Certain inauspicious melodies which someone unfortunately heard in their sleep, wrote down, and performed or gave to some poor gullible soul to perform and are now publicly heard on radio stations, in malls and super markets, spawned onto the world with absolutely no regard for the mental state of those who have to bear the sound of even one note of these awful, anger-inducing, recordings of sonic vomit are in dire need of recognition for the swill that they are in an effort to let someone...ANYONE in charge of playing them, know that they are indeed horrible and must die a horrible "burn your CDs for religious reasons" death or even in a "Death to Disco" sort of way. I know that was a big time run-on sentence, but I just had to get that down. Here's the top ten "sonic vomit" of which I speak:
10. Wannabe- The Spice Girls
This is that "Tell me what you want, what you really really want..." obnoxious, repetitive song performed by the highest concentration of talentless individuals in world history (except maybe the modern Democratic party)
9. Disco Duck - Rick Dees.
I guess this song isn't supposed to be taken seriously anyway, but man does it "disco, disco suck!"
8. Blame It On The Rain- Milli Vanilli.
Nevermind that it was lip-synched, I hated this one the first time I heard it.
7. Jump- Kriss Kross
"Kriss Kross will make you THROW UP!!"
6. Everything I Do, I Do It For You- Bryan Adams
Yeah, I know picking just ONE Bryan Adams song for this list is a tough task but this one's association with that horrible piece of film excrement "Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves" makes it a shoe-in!
5. Baby, I Love Your Way- Peter Frampton
The only thing worse than this song is a remake of this song of which there are several, but I think I should give credit where it's due for ever making this song radio material in the first place. "Stay away from me Frampton, I ain't got s*** to say to you!".....(except that you suck)
4. Mr. Jones- Counting Crows
I know that someone reading this right now is going "hey, I like that song"...well I DON'T!! And it's thanks to selfish, no-taste people like you that I still have to hear that dreadhead poser whining on Muzak at the store or some crappy cover band try to whine just like him at weddings, clubs, or wherever. Can you and Mr. Jones step in front of a bus, please!
3. Achy, Breaky Heart- Billy Ray Cyrus
These right here are twelve too many words about this stupid song!
(you're counting right now aren't you?)
2. Mmm-Bop- Hanson
I know of people who become visibly angry at the mere mention of this "song".
And you know who you are.
1. Song Bird- Kenny G
Honestly, I could just put Kenny G at number one. It's like picking the worst song by Color Me Badd or Hootie and the Blowfish , except five gazillion times worse. I saw a guy at church once who died and saw the afterlife, both Heaven and Hell. He talked about seeing demons and all that stuff, but the worst thing about Hell (even the eternal flames!) was hearing Song Bird on an eternal loop. He said that was the absence of God's presence in musical form. I agree. I feel like Hannibal Lecter when I hear it or Travis Bickle with the mohawk and the gun sliding out of my sleeve. Whoever plays it must be one of Satan's henchmen. Do not tolerate it for the sake of humanity. Please.