Sunday, December 21, 2008

Christmas Memories

I remember that one year when the lake froze and we walked out on it for the first time. I also remember I had to pee so bad I didn't care about the magic snowman who talked to us and told us he knew Santa Claus personally. I ran home and almost didn't make it, but boy what relief. I never saw my friend Derrick again. Maybe he went with that snowman guy and met the real Santa. Some guys get all the luck.

I remember the Christmas I bought my wife that new Kawasaki gas powered weedeater. She was so thrilled she was speechless. I felt bad for her though, because there was a foot of snow outside and she wouldn't get to actually use it for months. But I was prepared for that. I also got her a new mop and a whole box of rubber gloves. Who loves ya babe?

Probably my best Christmas memory is the time my Uncle Billy misplaced 8000 bucks and I was about to jump off a bridge into an icy river when I was visited by three ghosts, one at 1:00, two at 2:00, and the third was from that Def Leppard video. I told them I walked through the Lincoln tunnel to find my real father and get an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle and if I didn't I was going to steal Christmas, everything from the Who hash to the roast beast. Then they put me on trial for my threats and to prove there was no Santa Claus until the post office intervened by sending Yukon Cornelius to tell me "You'll shoot your eye out kid!" I had no earthly idea what he was talking about. They dismissed the trial but I was back in court only a few weeks later because my delinquent parents flew off to France without me, and also I was sued for assault by two crooks who tried to rob my house. Apparently it isn't legal to burn, impale, shoot, drop an iron on, or threaten with a My neighbor just paid a fine though, for hitting them with a snow shovel, so I feel good about the case. So that was a pretty good Christmas I guess. Oh, and if a train comes down your street to take you to the North Pole and nobody else sees it but you, stay in bed, trust me. It's a nightmare. I think I still have whiplash. Also, while I'm thinking about it, if you see Santa on your roof, don't call out to him or he'll slip and die and you might have to replace him. Stick to Buzz Lightyear and we'll all be better off, thanks.

Happy Christmas memories!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Underrated Christmas Classics

We all know about It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and A Christmas Story. Elf is quickly becoming a holiday favorite, and movies like Holiday Inn , Scrooge (with Albert Finney), and White Christmas are finally getting their due with new DVD releases prominently displayed in stores. But there are a few gems out there still relatively obscure and deserving of annual appreciation. Here are just a few I consider underrated classics:

Christmas In Connecticut

This Barbra Stanwyck film was remade a few years ago, but the original still holds up with that idyllic feeling of white Christmases from a simpler time. Of course what Stanwyck's character has to accomplish to get that picture perfect holiday is not so simple.

The Bishop's Wife

Another classic remade, but sorry Denzel Washington, there's only one Cary Grant! In the same vein that made It's A Wonderful Life a masterpiece- angel + Christmas = holiday magic. Cary Grant, Loretta Young, and David Niven make a good team in this one and it only gets better with repeated viewings.

The Shop Around The Corner

Sensing a theme yet? Yes, this was also remade as You've Got Mail or as I call it You've Got To Be Kidding, because the original is such a great film. Director Ernst Lubitsch who made many great films said this was his best, and most critics would agree. As a matter of fact some critics have said this is the greatest Christmas film ever made. Better than It's A Wonderful Life?...Sorry, don't think so. But still, like that other Jimmy Stewart classic, The Shop Around The Corner only gets better with age. Watch it every Christmas...and more!

Ernest Save Christmas

There's a certain sophistication and panache about Varney's slapstick which creates an ambient faux sense of Victorian Christmas deja vu and leaves the viewer entranced with a bittersweet pining for holidays remembered and hope to come. The comedic subtleties are nuanced so precariously on the precipice of lunacy you feel giddy with joy to the point that other senses create their own universe. I even thought I smelled holly berries and the crisp currants of whipped Christmas strudel.

...Just kidding.
I don't even remember watching that crap. I just couldn't think of any other underrated films since most Christmas movies suck!

Enjoy watching and Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Mark Ingram shoots the gap.

Terrence Cody and Bobby Greenwood bring the pain!

Glenn Coffee chewing up yards!

John Parker Wilson celebrates another score!

"Mount" Cody celebrates victory!

Coach Saban's First Iron Bowl Victory

Bobby Greenwood