Friday, January 16, 2009

Where's my golden parachute?!!

You don't need a magnifying glass just click the pic.

And while we bail out failures we punish the successful...

A letter from the Boss

To All My Valued Employees,
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of
this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the
economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges.
However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to
your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing
political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might
help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers
against employees, you have to understand that for every business
owner there is a Back Story. This back story is often neglected and
overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my
Mercedes outside. You've seen my home at last years Christmas party.
I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized
thoughts about my life.

However, what you don't see is the BACK STORY :
I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300
square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment
was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into
building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.
My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I
spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla
with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often
times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking
and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work,
discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made
a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove
flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer
clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot
fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting
any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's.
My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I,
however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a
business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be
able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check
in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off"
button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have
a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom.
I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no
rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this
business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs
child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the
nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the
Back Story and the sacrifices I've made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the
right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people
who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel
entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed decades
of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is
steep and not without wounds.
Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you,
is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me
tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay
enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and
use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment
taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these
taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him.
Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes
with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to
the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my
"stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the
guy who has provided 23 people good paying jobs and serves over
2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the
single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting
for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter
is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd
quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's
nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I
agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don't understand .. to stimulate the
economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly
government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess
what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington
black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and
generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have
enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and
better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't
defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back
to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at
the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must
stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington
believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the
American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth
and this is the type of change you can keep. So where am I going
with all this?

It's quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will
be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can
then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV,
and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and
retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes
the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work
and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my
So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy;
it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through
this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed
its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a
beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....



We can only dream!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

It's a New Year, full of possibilities, full of hope! I already have a headache!

This new year is starting out with so much promise I don't know where to begin.

How about the state of Minnesota where pro wrestler Jesse Ventura was once Governor and mediocre has-been comic Al Franken is now Senator? HA, those Minnesotans kill me. St. Paul- it's just like Hollywood but without the nice weather, nice looking people, or as many excuses for being so stupid.

They're fighting in Israel again. I'm still on the waiting list for season tickets. Hopefully I'll have front row seats when Armageddon finally goes down. Thank God we have Obama to handle things when Iran nukes Israel, Israel nukes Iran, and then Russia joins the fight. Thanks American electorate!!*

*sometimes sarcasm doesn't translate very well on the internet, so just in case you missed it.... Thanks for nothing morons!!!

The BCS is once again a resounding success (again...sarcasm) Apparently "USC is the best team in the country"TM (property of ESPN commentators, any other use is prohibited) and Utah remains unbeaten with no shot at a National Title. Will the Championship Game winner be the "real champion" or will the AP jump ship like they did in 2003 and create a co-championsip? We cling to the edge of our seats holding our collective breath....

More job losses every day, more scandal and in-fighting among the Democrats in power, and Tom Cruise stars in a new movie. What's next?

Oh well, Happy New Year anyway!