Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My Top Ten Breakfast Cereals!

Recently ESPN radio's Colin Cowherd put together a breakfast bracket combining people's favorite cereals with March Madness. Honey Nut Cheerios ultimately won, but that wouldn't even make my top twenty. So I thought I would share my personal faves for a well-balanced breakfast.

10. Super Golden Crisp

For those mornings when I can't find an IV bag to mainline sugar right into my veins I eat this or it's Kellogg cousin Smacks.

9. Corn Flakes

The original classic is still great with bananas.

8. Lucky Charms

My parents pretty much never bought this for me as a kid so I made up for it years later. Once after a diabetic coma I saw "orange stars" flying around the room. They're not just delicious they're "magically" delicious.

7. Frosted Flakes

If you eat just one bowl you deserve some kind of medal. I usually eat two or three before I get warmed up good and when I get that disgusting sugar/sodium aftertaste I always wonder if it was worth it. Plus I tried to feed some of these to a tiger once at the zoo. He didn't say anything about them being "g-r-r-reat" but I did have my season pass revoked. And by the way this was runner-up on Cowherd's bracket.

6. Fruity Pebbles

At one time this was my absolute favorite. It has slipped over the years but for the money it's still one of the best to me.

5. Cocoa Pebbles

Cowherd's ESPN bracket combined the two "Pebbles" cereals which doesn't make sense, however I have them back to back. I used to work nights and when I got home around 2 AM there was nothing more satisfying than a bowl of this chocolatey goodness. I'd stab Barney in the eye if he took some of mine!

4. Oatmeal Crisp with Almonds

Here's one of those "healthy" adult cereals you eat to look like you care about your cholesterol when in fact it's loaded with sugar and you eat it because it's yummy.

3. Cinnamon Toast Crunch

After you've finished off the box in one sitting take that sand-like mixture left at the bottom of the box and pour it onto a piece of toast with butter and make ACTUAL cinnamon toast!

2. Quaker Oh's

The cheapest non-generic cereal in the store and still sooooo good. I have to buy at least two boxes at a time because at my house a box lasts a maximum of 2 days. At $2 each I should probably start buying three at a time.

1. Cracklin' Oat Bran

Sounds healthy doesn't it? Yeah, that allows you to hold your head up in smugness as they check it at the store, then you get home and basically pour milk over sponge cake and chow down on bucketloads of sugar. I avoid reading the number of calories and I usually feel guilty for eating more that one bowl, but it never stops me from doing it again the next time!

Did I fail to mention one of your favorites?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Funniest People Alive!

(New York City wins the latest poll result hands down with 7 votes!)

The ten funniest people alive to ME are a diverse group. I can only tell you that what makes me laugh may not make you laugh. I probably have a few names here that will make some scratch their head. And since this is a list of the funniest people ALIVE, apologies to Mitch Hedberg and John Candy.

First let me give an honorable mention to a few people I love.

First Stephen Colbert whom I have thought hilarious for years, even before his show The Colbert Report ever started. His brand of satirical humor is just my type. Unfortunately I never watch his show so he doesn't make my list.

I also dig the lovable little fuzzball who rankles our friends on the left but cracks me up on a regualar basis- Rush Limbaugh. But since most of his show is serious politics, the parts that make me laugh are only about a quarter of the show or less.

So here's my list in no particular order. Each gets me laughing in a unique way.

Will Farrell

Not every movie he makes is a home run but some roles kill me every time, like Elf, Ricky Bobby and Ron Burgundy. His SNL run is one of the best ever.

Jim Gaffigan

I saw him in concert last year and I didn't stop laughing the entire show. His observational humor, especially about food, is the best in stand-up.

Dave Chappelle (as Rick James)

He's one of the few people who doesn't even need to open his mouth. I am already laughing as soon as I see him, because of so many images that have made him one of the funniest men alive. I can't exactly recommend any of his stand-up or his shows but Chappelle has become even funnier than Chris Rock to me.

Dennis Miller

Not as cutting edge as he once was, but I still get to hear Dennis on his radio show. And although he repeats a lot of his old material, every once in a while he still puts together a polysyllabic smart bomb of comedic genius that floors me...usually while I'm driving. I don't wanna get off on a rant here, but no other comic has ever been able to craft jokes with so many levels of gotcha! That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Ann Coulter

Not too many women make me laugh out loud. Ann makes me cry I laugh so hard. She's hated, reviled, mocked, and even threatened by libs and lefties. But that's part of why I love her. She is relentless and thus hilarious in her verbal beat-downs of modern liberalism. In much the same way Dennis Miller crafts his jokes, she puts together the most scathing, satirical bits of barbed wit since Jonathan Swift.

John C. Reilly (as Dewey Cox)

Just recently Reilly has come on to the comedic radar for me. For years he was an established and excellent character actor in films like Gangs of New York and Chicago (for which he won an Oscar). But recently in Talladega Nights and Step Brothers he teamed up with Will Farrell for one of the funniest duos since Wilder and Pryor. His Johnny Cash /musical bio sendup Walk Hard is one of the funniest satires in years.

Stephen Wright

The king of stand-up really hasn't changed in the last twenty years and that's why he's great. He is still unabashed, original, and brilliant. I got to see him live a couple of years ago and I will never forget it.

Jack Black

Some people put on an act and some people are born to be funny. Jack Black is one of the latter. He's a natural. From School of Rock to Nacho Libre he has proven his versatility as a comic actor. He's had a few dud films, but overall he still cracks me up every time I see him or hear him with Tenacious D.

Ricky Gervais

Funniest Brit alive in my opinion. He created and starred in the original sitcom The Office and produces the hugely popular American version. He's finally getting some recognition on this side of the pond in movies like Stardust and Ghost Town and for his HBO sitcom Extras (which was beyond brilliant in the same way The Office was!). If you haven't seen his YouTube with Elmo , look it up. Like Chappelle, all I have to do is look at him and I start laughing.

Brian Regan

The man of a thousand faces is one of the most popular stand-up acts of all time. I have seen him live twice now and he never ceases to amaze me or crack me up. Also, I don't think there is another human being alive I quote (with his patented inflection!) as much as Brian Regan.

I'm sure there's a funny person you think I should have mentioned (like Larry David or Jerry Seinfeld perhaps...yes both hilarious) so let me know.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Poll result

Looks like the WNBA and NASCAR are equally irrelevant tying the poll with five votes each.

With 6 votes the burrito wins favorite hand-held meal in a landslide! Thanks for your vote!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Mascots: Who comes up with this stuff?

Why are our favorite teams called what they are? I find many names fascinating for their historical signifigance- Oklahoma Sooners, Tennessee Volunteers, - or regional relevance- Dallas Cowboys, Pittsburgh Steelers, Miami Dolphins. But there are some names that make no sense to me at all.

Who on earth thought a turtle was a good mascot? The Maryland Terrapins obviously did. You're a football team with world's slowest reptile as your animal representative. Good thinkin'.

And what about the Oregon Ducks and the Anaheim Ducks? I've never seen a duck and thought "man, I better get the heck outta here or play dead before that duck sees me". The only thing about a duck that might make me take a step back would be Daffy's problem "saying it, not spraying it".

When the Lakers played in Minnesota that name made perfect sense, after all it's the land of ten thousand of those, but when they moved to L.A. in the desert next to the ocean...not so much. I think the L.A. Implants would work better.

When the Jazz played in New Orleans that name made perfect sense. Now they play in Salt Lake City where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn't sing much Billie Holliday as far as I know. How about the Utah Polygamists instead? Too obvious?

I got the Vancouver Grizzlies but now Memphis? I would like to know the actual nautical miles between Memphis, Tennessee and a real Grizzly bear not in a zoo!
And I'm pretty sure velociraptors are not indigenous to metro-Toronto either. We need Jack Hannah to be giving these NBA teams some consultations.

The one mascot name I can't believe still exists in this ultra-sensitive, P.C. world we now live in is the Washington Redskins. Really? The Red-Skins? If that were a team in Idaho and they were referring to russets, well then, okay. Makes you wonder if there was ever a team in the rural south called the Blackskins? And the Redskins are the representative team in our nation's capital. We endorse that mascot name at the highest levels of our gubment. Was the name Savages already taken? I mean, c'mon!

And you Stanford people. A tree? Honestly, that is your mascot? It doesn't even move. A tall immobile object as a metaphor for sports acumen...Boy, that Ivy League status is O-ver-rated!