Thursday, January 28, 2010

Stupid Bumper Stickers part I

So Count Chocula is most likely to commit murder just because he's a vampire? I call that Cereal Mascot Profiling. I'm sure Jesse Jackson will find it very interesting that most of you voted for the chocolate lover in the latest poll!

Left Wing Bumper Stickers
Today I am finally going to put down into words some of the things I've been thinking for many years when I see left-wing bumper stickers. I am not a big fan of bumper stickers period which is why my vehicles don't have any. But I am especially opposed to having a few words on a rectangular sticker define who I am. Some people are very comfortable doing that and so I have no problem defining them in my own point of view. When I see a bumper sticker that reads, "God is my co-pilot" I think, "religious, not sure what the Bible actually says, and probably a recovering alcoholic". Maybe I'm wrong but if you don't want me making a snap judgement then nix the bumper proclamation. When I see a confederate flag, I automatically think "redneck" whether it assures me it reflects "heritage not hate" or not. Sorry, but you decided to put it out there.

But the bumper stickers that make me think the person driving the car is either dumber than grits or a hate-filled anti-American jerk are the ones I want to focus on. Some are so erroneous, so moronic, and so prevalent I feel I need to put them through the ridicule and dissection they deserve. I tried finding some pictures of these but my brain almost exploded sifting through all of the propaganda. If I can get through this post without a single four-letter word it will be a miracle!

The Dumbest Bumper Sticker of All-Time

"The Last Time We Mixed Politics and Religion People Got Burned at the Stake"

Wow, this display of complete ignorance leaves me nearly speechless. Where to start? Let's take it one piece at a time.

First, "The Last Time...."

The "last" time? Really? How about right now all across the Muslim world where politics is religon and vice versa. People in theocracies like Iran wish they could be burned at the stake! What a luxury. Instead women are raped and murdered, infidels (depending on who defines that term) are beheaded, shot, put in mass graves, have appendages chopped off, and are stoned to death (and not necessarily in that order). Burning at the stake is so far past the stone age, really. The laws of these countries portray women as inferior beings and slavery as moral. But protesting them isn't politically correct like attacking Jerry Falwell or John Ashcroft.

Second, "We Mixed Politics and Religion".

This is another example of agnostics and atheists upset at how "religious" our country is apparently. It isn't enough that prayer has been banned in school for 30+ years, any mention of God in school commencement ceremonies or any other public event invites the ACLU and other groups to sue, and our current President wouldn't attend any Christmas event or even call his tree a Christmas tree. We sure are in danger of losing our country to religious extremists, huh? I could fill up this blog with quotes from our Founding Fathers and their Christian faith, and how this republic was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. And yet, our country like very few is built upon religious freedom, the freedom to believe or not to. That isn't enough for some who want to eliminate anything that makes them uncomfortable, which ironically makes them no different from the tyrants our ancestors fled from in the first place to make this new world!

Last, "People Got Burned at the Stake".

This is the best you can do, hippie? I mean if we have to go back that far and that's the worst thing you can come up with I almost think you're not trying to put forth any kind of legitimate argument! The Inquisition in Europe from the years 1233 to 1808 (that's 575 years!) burned an estimated 31,912 heretics at the stake.(

Yes, that's a bunch of people, probably innocent of any crime, unjustly killed. Many of those were Christians by the way, probably all of them were religious. It was wrong and it was horrible. But it amounts to about 55.5 people per year. Let's do some comparable analysis, shall we?

The Russian Gulag killed an estimated 40 MILLION people in the labor camps in the span of about 30 years! In all the Russians as a whole killed closer to 80 Million! Communist, atheist, intolerant murderers!

The Nazis (National Socialism) killed around 11 MILLION in 12 years!

The Millions killed under Mao and the other Chinese Communists may never be known but some estimates are as high as 45 Million under Mao alone.

Then there are the regimes of Pol Pot in Cambodia, Castro in Cuba, Idi Amin in Uganda, Ceucescu in Romania, and both Kims of North Korea. The comparison becomes laughable as you can see. More have died under godless, athiestic, political regimes than any other group. And all of these happened within the last century. So I guess if I wanted to compete with the retards out there I could make my own bumper sticker say something like "The last time politics abolished religion 100 million people were murdered"

On the other hand, thanks to Christianity slavery has been abolished, women have the right to vote and more give to the needy than in any other culture. The aid to Haiti is a testament to what a religious populace can do.

That is one STUPID bumper sticker!

This ran a bit long so I will tackle another stupid bumper sticker next time. Stay tuned...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Top Ten reasons George Lucas is a moron!

10. Howard the Duck

9. A "musical number" smack dab in the middle of Return of the Jedi- "SPECIAL" Edition. Yes, it makes it uniquely "special", especially the way I get to see the mucus in the back of the throat of that crude James Brown stereotyped CGI monster. So glad you brought your FULL vision to the screen finally, George.

8. Amidala is a queen but Naboo is a democracy...sooooo, she's an elected queen. It's kind of like being a candystriper. She just returns to her normal life after the experience of leading her country through war and near-destruction with a better grasp on life. Maybe now she can go to college. After all George is an open-minded liberal and monarchies are bad so why not just have it both ways because every girl's fantasy is to be a queen..."in name only"!

7. The original story for Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade was going to be a haunted house movie. Not some boring adventure on several continents chasing ancient, mysterious, a haunted house. Then Spielberg said "get your head out of your....haunted house" or something like that and they made the other version. Plus, George said he already had Indiana 2 and 3 written when they did Raiders. Guess what? He lied. He says he has Star Wars 7, 8, and 9 written in his head too. Guess what? He's full of it.

6. "Only Sith deal in absolutes" Obi-Wan chides Anakin in Revenge of the Sith. "Do or do not, there is no try," Yoda advises in The Empire Strikes Back. Hmmmm, sounds pretty absolute to me.

5. All of the bad guys in Episodes 1-3 are in groups like "The Trade Federation", "The Corporate Alliance", and "The Banking Clan". I guess using the World Trade Organization would have gotten him sued. And if he just went ahead and called one the Republican Party and the dark lord something like George W. Palapatine he'd be getting way too obvious. Just so we are clear, free trade and commerce = BAD! Elected leaders who dress in opulent regal outfits presumably on the taxpayers' dime = Good. Got it.

4. Jar Jar Binks. Worst comic relief character in movie history. The fact that he doesn't lose a single limb in combat is mind boggling.

3. Greedo shooting first! Once again, the left-wing sensiblities of Lucas get the best of him. After all, Han Solo is a "good guy" right? He would never shoot first! Only evil, oil loving toads from the Trade Federation would act "pre-emptively". Gotta stick to your principles, even in galaxies far, far away and a long time ago.

2. The thinly veiled racial caricatures in Episode 1. The Trade guys are Asian, the Gungans are Jamaican, and Sam Jackson quotes scripture before he shoots you...wait, that's another movie. I just don't get the decision to give these aliens accents at all. They speak other languages in the other films and subtitles work just fine. But I guess since the new trilogy was dumbed down for people who forgot how to read they figured silly accents would let us know "these are aliens from somewhere else".

1. The decision to write and direct the new Star Wars trilogy. Phantom Menace is, in my opinion, the worst script for a major motion picture in modern times. It is bad on so many levels, some of which I already discussed. What made the original trilogy work so well was the opposite personalities of Han and Luke. Han was the wise cracking, "scoundrel" while Luke was the starry-eyed dreamer and eventually true believer. We saw both of their characters grow and mature at least as much as it's possible in a space opera. The new films have no Han Solo element. Instead we are supposedly chuckling along to the cadence of Jar Jar. Ummm, NOT. And on the serious side, well that's all we get really. Monotone, the world is ending, I love you, but I don't want to show it, etc. etc. They could have hired Chuck Norris to breathe life into these proceedings and I mean that in all seriousness. I've seen cemetaries with more life.

You see, George Lucas had escaped from the real world many years ago. He stays at Skywalker ranch with his kids who give him inspiration. It was their visionary influence that had George cast the members of NSYNC as Jedi warriors, a cameo that was pulled after much public protest before Episode 1 came to the screen. That one bit of trivia says much about the mind of Lucas and the direction he was taking the new trilogy.

Without the help of an accomplished screenwriter like Lawrence Kasdan or directors like Spielberg or Irvin Kershner what we end up with are lines like, "If Obi-Wan saw me doing this he'd be very grumpy" and "Are you brain dead?", and "Mom you say the problem with the universe is no one helps each other". That one made me get misty.

On his own George has only two real accomplishments, American Graffitti and Star Wars (1977. NOT Special Edition revisionist crap!)

Thanks for some things George, no thanks for some others

Monday, January 11, 2010