Monday, April 6, 2009

Mascots: Who comes up with this stuff?

Why are our favorite teams called what they are? I find many names fascinating for their historical signifigance- Oklahoma Sooners, Tennessee Volunteers, - or regional relevance- Dallas Cowboys, Pittsburgh Steelers, Miami Dolphins. But there are some names that make no sense to me at all.

Who on earth thought a turtle was a good mascot? The Maryland Terrapins obviously did. You're a football team with world's slowest reptile as your animal representative. Good thinkin'.

And what about the Oregon Ducks and the Anaheim Ducks? I've never seen a duck and thought "man, I better get the heck outta here or play dead before that duck sees me". The only thing about a duck that might make me take a step back would be Daffy's problem "saying it, not spraying it".

When the Lakers played in Minnesota that name made perfect sense, after all it's the land of ten thousand of those, but when they moved to L.A. in the desert next to the ocean...not so much. I think the L.A. Implants would work better.

When the Jazz played in New Orleans that name made perfect sense. Now they play in Salt Lake City where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn't sing much Billie Holliday as far as I know. How about the Utah Polygamists instead? Too obvious?

I got the Vancouver Grizzlies but now Memphis? I would like to know the actual nautical miles between Memphis, Tennessee and a real Grizzly bear not in a zoo!
And I'm pretty sure velociraptors are not indigenous to metro-Toronto either. We need Jack Hannah to be giving these NBA teams some consultations.

The one mascot name I can't believe still exists in this ultra-sensitive, P.C. world we now live in is the Washington Redskins. Really? The Red-Skins? If that were a team in Idaho and they were referring to russets, well then, okay. Makes you wonder if there was ever a team in the rural south called the Blackskins? And the Redskins are the representative team in our nation's capital. We endorse that mascot name at the highest levels of our gubment. Was the name Savages already taken? I mean, c'mon!

And you Stanford people. A tree? Honestly, that is your mascot? It doesn't even move. A tall immobile object as a metaphor for sports acumen...Boy, that Ivy League status is O-ver-rated!