Friday, April 25, 2008

Alternate Endings 3.0

For some real fun go back and read my other Alternate Endings posts. Funny stuff. (As if anything on this blog ISN'T funny, I mean, C'MON!)

Titanic

Welders fix the hole in the hull and the ship makes it safely to NYC. Billy Zane shoots DiCRAPio between the eyes and Kate Winslet spends the rest of her life in a miserable, loveless marriage. And Celine Dion refuses to sing for the soundtrack now that Winslet's heart apparently will NOT "go on". Oh well.

Finding Nemo

Sushi.

Braveheart

William Wallace escapes from his cell by tunneling under the castle using a bone from a steak he ate. In a super slo-mo montage with Guns 'n Roses music he ties a bandana around his head, covers himself in mud, and loads up his M-60. He steals a tank and plows through the castle defenses and blows away that midget jester with some machine gun bursts and seven or eight cannon blasts. The rest of the ending is so violent it gets slapped with an NC-17 rating and is only released in Cambodia where it gets mixed reviews. (I think that was because of the kilts.)

War of the Roses

They sign a prenup. Oh, sorry, that was an alternate beginning.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hole not Whole.

Dignan said...

No, they fixed the whole hull which had a hole in it, doofus.

Anonymous said...

I love Dignan. He's awesome. Forget pro wrestlers, Dignan should be president!

Anonymous said...

Yes, but he has GOT to stop playing Hungry Hippos with crippled Muslims. Absolutely unacceptable.

Anonymous said...

I can say whatever I want. Damn, damn, hell, hell, doo doo, tee tee.