Elvis Movies: The Good, The Bad, The Unwatchable

Notice I didn't use the word "Great" because there aren't any great Elvis movies, just some servicable ones and some to skip at all costs. Elvis, of course, was the quintessential entertainer on stage and set the groundwork for every rock star that followed him. He was after all the first rock star. But he also set an example for what NOT to do with your fame: pop pills, wear rhinestone jumpsuits, make thirty-one movies. Yeah, don't do that.

Anyway, Elvis wanted to be a serious actor. He wanted to be the next James Dean or Marlon Brando. But he never really would have been, nor would he get the chance. His only serious acting jobs were praised by the directors he worked for like Michael Curtiz (who directed Elvis in King Creole), but his manager Colonel Tom Parker (neither a real colonel nor a real manager) made sure Elvis got trapped in the worst contracts for the worst movies. He wanted Elvis to make music, not become the next Marlon Brando. The '68 Comeback Special was the result and it was a huge success. So Colonel Tom finally got his way. But in the meantime audiences were tortured with some pretty bad flicks, especially in the latter days of The King's film career, while the Colonel counted his greenbacks. It wasn't always that bad, however.



THE GOOD
Even these films aren't for everybody. The dramatic roles are few and few of those are good. The rest are campy to say the least. But for me that's what gives them charm. They were very thin in plot and were just an excuse to see Elvis perform for the general public who would never get to see him.

It Happened At The World's Fair



Set in the 1962 World's Fair in Seattle this has a typical love story, a cute little girl, and Elvis as a cropduster pilot. A young Kurt Russell in his first film has a bit part.

Fun In Acapulco



Ursulla Andress and cliff diving make this one more entertaining than most.

Follow That Dream



This is probably my favorite. Elvis does a fine job of acting, the story is unique, and it is genuinely funny.

Flaming Star



Widely considered the best film Elvis ever made. This is totally a dramatic film, a harsh Western examining racial conflict. Elvis gives the performance of his career as a half-breed torn between two worlds. Only two songs were used in the movie. Of course, being a non-musical film it didn't make as much money, which led to Colonel Tom's decision to keep Elvis away from such roles.

Jailhouse Rock



This is Elvis' most famous movie and one many consider his best. It is also a dramatic film with some great songs. I am not a big fan of the additions to the title song. The choreography has become famous but they should have just left the song alone.

THE OKAY

Most of The King's films fall into this category. Titles like Double Trouble, Spinout, G.I. Blues, Roustabout, Frankie and Johnny, and Girl Happy. Not good but not all bad. I put King Creole into this category even though it starred Walter Matthau and was directed by Michael Curtiz. Sure, it is one of Elvis' better acting performances but I find parts of it silly. I put his debut film in this category too, the western Love Me Tender in which Presley got third billing. Paradise, Hawaiian Style is also "Okay". My favorites in this category are the camp classics Viva Las Vegas



...with Ann-Margret who admittedly annoys me.

and Clambake



...with Shelly Fabares and Bill Bixby. Super corny but still entertaining with it's Prince and the Pauper storyline.


THE BAD

Movies like Tickle Me, Blue Hawaii (where Angela Lansbury uses a ridiculous Southern accent), Speedway, and Kid Galahad. They have few memorable moments and few memorable songs (although my favorite Elvis song, "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" is in Blue Hawaii). Wild in the Country starts out very interesting and then goes nowhere.

THE UNWATCHABLE

These should be avoided at all costs. These are ones even die-hard Elvis fans like me cannot sit through:
Live a Little, Love a Little- Watch a little.
Easy Come, Easy Go- Just GO, please!
Kissin' Cousins- I think the title says enough. Elvis in a "stawberry blonde" wig is not good cinema.
Harum Scarum- Cambodian films have higher production value. Was this filmed in somebody's backyard sandbox?

My Top Ten Bob Dylan Albums

10. Slow Train Coming



This was Dylan's first Christian album and was very influential in the CCM market. "Gotta Serve Somebody" and "Changed My Way of Thinking" were the biggest hits.

9. Another Side of Bob Dylan



"It Ain't Me Babe" became one of Bob's biggest hits and was covered many times, most notably by Johnny Cash. "My Back Pages" and "All I Really Wanna Do" are some of the other great ones from this underrated classic.

8. Nashville Skyline



Dylan goes full country! "Lay Lady Lay" might be the most played Dylan song ever besides "Like A Rolling Stone". The duet with Johnny Cash on "Girl From The North Country" is worth buying the album. This is also Dylan's shortest album.

7. Desire



Best known for the biographical hard-hitting "Hurricane" (about convicted boxer Rubin "Hurricane" Carter), but my favorite song is "Sara". Emmylou Harris, then unknown, was a backup vocalist.

6. Bob Dylan



It took some years for Dylan's debut album to get the appreciation it deserves. It showcases some early influences for Bob with tracks like "House of the Rising Sun", "In My Time of Dying", and "Man of Constant Sorrow". The best songs of all are "Baby, Let Me Follow You Down" and "Song For Woody" written for his biggest influence Woody Guthrie.

5. Highway 61 Revisited



Home to the most famous Dylan of all "Like A Rolling Stone".

4. Blood on the Tracks



Lyrically one of Bob's strongest records with the masterpiece "Tangled Up In Blue" and other greats "Idiot Wind" and "Shelter from the Storm". This is Dylan's best from the 70s.

3. Blonde on Blonde



Considered by many to be Dylan's greatest work this double album is full of inspiration and new sounds. Lyrically it goes from the absurd "Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat" to the deep and mysterious "Visions of Johanna". The most famous tracks are definitely "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35", "I Want You", and "Just Like a Woman" one of the prettiest songs Dylan ever wrote. One of my personal favorites is "Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again" which actually rang true for me for about eight years. And pre-dating The Beatles "White album" by two years this is also the first significant double album in rock 'n roll history.

2. Bringing It All Back Home



Lyrically this is probably my favorite Dylan album. "It's Alright" and "Gates of Eden" are masterworks of poetry, while "Mr. Tambourine Man", with it's vivid imagery, inspired The Byrds to take it on to further popularity. "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue" is also one of my favorites. The most popular track is the first one, "Subterranean Homesick Blues" which first brought the electric Dylan to the world.

1. The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan



Dylan's follow-up to his debut finally got the attention of the critics and the masses. Unlike the first album which had only two original compositions this was loaded with Dylan's own brilliance. Kicking off the album was the song that would solidify him as the poet of the 60s "Blowin' in the Wind". Every track is memorable, some for their comedy("Talking World War III Blues" and "I Shall Be Free"), some for their beauty ("A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall" and "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"), and some for their "finger-pointin'" ("Oxford Town" and "Masters of War") My favorite Dylan song of all is here- "Girl from the North Country"- so it's no wonder this is my favorite album.

The name is Bond, James Bond: The Best and Worst of 007

Here are my favorites and biggest disappointments in Ian Fleming's world of the greatest fictional spy ever created.

Who is the Best Bond?


Minus George Lazenby who played the super spy only once, these are our choices.

For me the worst Bond of all was obviously Timothy Dalton:


The best Bond is the original Bond, against whom all others are compared.

Sean Connery


I like both Pierce Brosnan and Roger Moore (at least in some of his films) but the only guy close to Connery for me is current 007 Daniel Craig


Best Opening Sequence

I have always liked the jetpack at the beginning of Thunderball and Pierce Brosnan's Bond kicks butt in the Tomorrow Never Dies intro but the best opening of any Bond film has to be...
Casino Royale

The black and white, the intensity, and the shocking realness make this one stand out from all the rest.

Silliest Moment
Sure, there are plenty. Moonraker is silly almost all the way through. The Lawrence of Arabia theme playing as Bond and Anya walk across the desert in The Spy Who Loved Me is total cheese. But the most ridiculous, fall-on-the-floor moment that I guess was supposed to be shocking is Yaphet Kotto's "Kananga" blowing up in Live and Let Die

Didn't anyone realize young Mike Myers types would just spoof this later on?

Best Bond Villains

My personal favorites are:

1. Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

Lotte Lenya plays one creepy villain and I love the stiletto orthopedic pumps!

2. Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me

This guy would be the life of every party. He's a walking bottle opener!

3. Le Chiffre in Casino Royale

Perfect jerk you love to hate.

4. Ernst Estavro Blofeld in many films

Played here by Donald Pleasance, this most famous Bond villain (copied by Mike Myers as Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers films) was played by a few others including Telly Savalas.

The worst villains are many, including Christopher Walken's character from A View To A Kill and the guy with the amazing face lift in Die Another Day.

Best Bond Babes

1. Vesper Lynd played by Eva Green in Casino Royale


2. Anya Amasova played by Barbara Bach in The Spy Who Loved Me

Later wife of Ringo Starr.

3. Honey Ryder played by Ursulla Andress in Dr. No

The first Bond Babe!

4. Jinx Johnson played by Halle Berry in Die Another Day

Wearing a copy of the original Bond swimsuit worn by Ursulla Andress.

5. Teresa DiVincenzo played by Diana Rigg in On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The only wife of James Bond and other than Vesper Lynd the only woman he ever really loved.

My favorite James Bond films

1. Thunderball

This is the best of the Connery films to me. Bond is BAD! He kicks butt, there is action galore, and I love the jetpack sequence!

2. From Russia With Love

Cool story and cool villains.

3. Casino Royale

The beginning of the story, the making of the legend, and the most visceral heart-pounding action of them all.

4. The Spy Who Loved Me

I hate the Carly Simon theme song but this is Roger Moore's best one to me.

5. Tomorrow Never Dies

Pierce Brosnan really comes into his own in this one. The opening sequence is one of the best.

The worst Bond film is probably Moonraker which is too silly to take seriously but there are a few bad ones like Octopussy, A View To A Kill (mostly because Roger Moore is just too old for the gig anymore), and The Living Daylights which bores me just thinking about it.
But the most overrated Bond film of all in my opinion is Goldfinger.

007 is outsmarted the entire film. Goldfinger always stays a step ahead and even in the final moment when Bond should save the day someone else diffuses the bomb while Bond stands dumbfounded. Some of the most memorable scenes come from that movie, but I like Bond as a hero not a lucky buffoon.

The most underrated Bond film is of course On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Audiences didn't like George Lazenby as Sean Connery's replacement but compared to later Bonds he seems just fine. This is also a pivotal point in Bond's legacy since it is the film when he gets married and his wife is killed. It forever shapes the character and is frequently reffered to in other films. The action is top notch and the villain Blofeld played by Telly Savalas is a central character in Bond lore. I highly recommend this one.

Hollywood's Perfect Romantic Male

Warning! This little critique contains huge, massive spoilers for movies you might not have seen. If you notice any movie titles in bold below and still want to see them, or you are a man and your wife WANTS you to see them...read at your own risk!

My theory is that Hollywood's idea of the perfect romantic man is a DEAD man! I recently sat down and watched the film Nights In Rodanthe with my wife and that's when it occurred to me. Every time a woman has a romantic fling with the "man of her dreams", except for Bridges of Madison County where they never see each other again....he DIES! Ok, not "every" time but enough for me. A few obvious examples:

Message In A Bottle- Like Sleepless In Seattle except it's in North Carolina, she falls for him over some longhand scribblins' instead of the radio, and he DIES! By the way, as much as I hate this movie it is light years better than Sleepless In Seattle. And who puts personal messages to their dead wife in bottles and throws them in the ocean where any nosy idiot can read them?

Up Close And Personal- Besides the sickening age difference between Robert Redford and Michele Pfieffer this has another predictable ending where "super-macho-romantic-man" goes off somewhere dangerous to get a story and as expected women everywhere have to grab their hankies. What a guy! You don't have to argue over unfolded laundry or how often the trash gets taken out, cuz he's a corpse!

Cold Mountain- Any guy who would go AWOL in the middle of a war, cross hundreds of miles of wilderness crawling with soldiers for either side who want to kill him, traverse freezing treacherous mountains to be with a woman he met once, give her a passionate love scene and then DIE! Hallelujah! Write songs about that fella! He doesn't even think of having a beer with the boys, playing poker, or watching football! He's a keeper...er, uh guess not.

Titanic- The biggest weepfest of all. It isn't enough to find the only guy who ever treats you like a lady, paint you in the nude, have sex with you in some stranger's car in steerage, but then he becomes a human popsicle to save you! Change your name to his (even though you weren't married to him and only knew him about 24 hours) because no man above room temperature or WAY above freezing will ever do that for you. No wonder half the women of America fell for Leo that year. He'd rather die than complain about your mother! Plus, that's the most I ever cried after a movie other than The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Just kidding, I've never seen Pluto Nash. (I just wanted to put that in bold to confuse those who heeded the warning above. Laugh with me!)

Sure, there are examples of women dying too, but usually after years of marriage and kids, like Terms of Endearment and Steel Magnolias and Stepmom. They never show some guy hook up with Deborah Kerr on a weekend fling on a cruise ship and then when he tries to meet up with her later a cab hits her and cripples her for life before they can meet at the Empire State Building...um, sorry that was An Affair To Remember...but still she aint' dead! Yeah, and Jane Wyman goes blind in Magnificent Obsession , but STILL not bobbing in the North Atlantic like chilled chum!

I just realized that Hollywood love stories in general are very cruel. Most times a little love is followed by Jason Voorhees with a machete! Run! Run from romance like OJ ran from the cops! Men everywhere, cherish your pint nights, poker tourneys, and fantasy sports leagues before its TOO LATE!!

I know what you're thinking, why didn't I come up with this BEFORE Valentine's Day? I wish I knew.

Best Picture, Volume Two

1960- The Apartment- Very good romantic comedy/social drama from director Billy Wilder, but either Spartacus or Psycho should have won Best Picture of that year.



1961- West Side Story- Okay, but The Hustler was another good nominee.
1962- Lawrence of Arabia- Great film, Oscar nailed it.
1963- Tom Jones- Good
1964- My Fair Lady- Good
1965- The Sound of Music- Great film.
1966- A Man For All Seasons- Very Good.
1967- In The Heat Of The Night- Good.
1968- Oliver!- Until 2002's Chicago this was the last musical to win Best Picture and although it is a good movie the film that should have won was NOT even nominated (has this become a pattern or what?)...

2001: A Space Odyssey


1969- Midnight Cowboy- The first and only X-rated film to win Best Picture although it was changed to an R-rating later. I prefer Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid for that year. By the way, this was the first of three Best Pictures Dustin Hoffman starred in.
1970- Patton- Very good film for which George C. Scott refused to accept his Best Actor Oscar.
1971- The French Connection- Good
1972- The Godfather- Once again Oscar nails it! Other than 1943, 1962, and 1993 this is their proudest moment.
1973- The Sting- Great film.
1974- The Godfather Part II- Now they're on a roll.
1975- One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest- Great film and the first film since 1934's It Happened One Night to win the "big five"- Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Director, Screenplay. It has happened only one other time since.
1976- Rocky- Good
1977- Annie Hall- Great film. Some still feel that Star Wars should have won, but Annie Hall is probably the greatest comedy of all time so I don't have a problem with it.
1978- The Deer Hunter- One of my least favorite winners, very depressing and long, but unfortunately there weren't many other worthy contenders that year. The only one I really like is Warren Beatty's Heaven Can Wait.
1979- Kramer vs. Kramer- Dustin Hoffman's second film to win Best Picture is okay but there were a few that were much better including Woody Allen's Manhattan, Peter Sellers' classic Being There and the big one which should have won the award...

Apocalypse Now


So the Academy didn't end the decade strong but the 1970s were their best decade overall for getting it right.

1980- Ordinary People- So much for getting things right. They start off the new decade by bombing big time! They chose a boring melodrama over one of cinemas greatest films, although DeNiro did get the award for his performance...

Raging Bull


1981- Chariots of Fire- Good, but in retrospect Raiders of the Lost Ark should have won!




1982- Ghandi- Good although E.T. was another worthy nominee. But what an injustice that Blade Runner wasn't nominated!
1983- Terms of Endearment- Good
1984- Amadeus- Great film.
1985- Out of Africa- Boring movie. The Best film that year was The Color Purple by a long shot! It was nominated for 11 awards and won none! Ridiculous.
1986- Platoon- Okay, but I prefer Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters or my pick for Best picture (not nominated)...

Hoosiers


1987- The Last Emperor- Okay, but for me it was Spielberg's Empire of the Sun which wasn't nominated.
1988- Rain Man- Good, and Dustin Hoffman's third Best Picture.
1989- Driving Miss Daisy- Okay but other films like Henry V could have won. Many were upset that year when Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing didn't get a nomination. Funny because that credo is one Spike Lee would never follow being so committed to the "wrong thing":neo-marxism! Sorry, but the Academy Awards always shoves politics down our throat so I thought I'd play along.
Anyway, my pick for Best Picture (which wasn't nominated) would have been...

Glory


1990- Dances With Wolves- Good film but much better ones were Miller's Crossing which wasn't nominated and one of the best films of the decade, Goodfellas.
1991- Silence of the Lambs- The last film to win the "big five".
1992- Unforgiven- Good
1993- Schindler's List- Among the greatest films. Oscar gets it right again!
1994- Forrest Gump- Good. Many felt that Pulp Fiction should have won but not me.
1995- Braveheart- Good, but I would have picked Appollo 13 or 12 Monkeys which was NOT nominated!
1996- The English Patient- Good, but I would have chosen either Fargo or one of my personal favorites which of course wasn't nominated...

Bottle Rocket


1997-Titanic- Obviously this is the type of film the Academy loves to pick: big, broad, melodramatic. But, it was completely outclassed by L.A. Confidential which should have won or Amistad which wasn't even nominated!
1998- Shakespeare In Love- One of Oscars darkest moments. It is a good film but nobody knows to this day how it beat Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture!



And neither The Big Lebowski or Rushmore were even nominated for Best Picture that year! Huh?

1999- American Beauty- I hate this movie. I can't recommend Being John Malkovich but it was clearly a better film.
2000- Gladiator- Good film but Almost Famous and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were just as good if not better. But, surprise, the film I cherish most was predictably not nominated...

O, Brother Where Art Thou?


2001- A Beautiful Mind- Good, but I would have picked The Royal Tennenbaums which wasn't nominated.
2002- Chicago- Good but two films that were better, Adaptation and About Schmidt , weren't nominated.
2003- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King- Great.
2004- Million Dollar Baby- No way. The best films of the year, The Passion of the Christ and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were NOT NOMINATED! Shameful!
2005- Crash- Sorry, but Cinderella Man should have won or The Incredibles.
2006- The Departed- Good
2007- No Country For Old Men- Good but I was also very impressed with Atonement.

Odds are they screw up 2008, too. We will soon see.

Best Picture, Volume One

This is the big one. No other award in entertainment is more disputed or remembered than the Academy Award for the Best Picture of the year. And it is astonishing to look back at what films lost and what films were not even nominated. We will start at the beginning and work forward highlighting some egregious choices and more mind-boggling omissions.

1928- Wings
1929- Broadway Melody- the field of possible contenders was very weak that year, but still this is the worst "Best Picture" winner of all time.
1930- All Quiet on the Western Front- great film
1931- Cimarron- Not a very good film. What should have won?

City Lights



1932- Grand Hotel- Great film
1933- Cavalcade- Probably the second worst "Best Picture" winner. On Academy night Frank Capra mistakenly got up to receive an Oscar for best director when it was actually Frank Lloyd for this film. Well, wherever you are Capra you should have won both Best Director and Best Picture for Lady For A Day.
1934- It Happened One Night- Great film and Capra justly got his awards.
1935- Mutiny on the Bounty- Great film
1936- The Great Ziegfield- Good movie but Chaplin's Modern Times should have won.
1937- The Life of Emile Zola- Good but in retrospect Disney's first feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarves should have won for historical significance alone.
1938- You Can't Take It With You- Capra does it again.
1939- Gone With The Wind- considered the greatest year in film history there are multiple contenders that could have won Best Picture, including The Wizard of Oz, Wuthering Heights, Gunga Din, Stagecoach, Destry Rides Again, and Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.
1940- Rebecca- Hitchcock's only Best Picture winner.
1941- How Green Was My Valley- Great film BUT the greatest film of all time should have won!

Citizen Kane



1942- Mrs. Miniver- Good but the statue should have gone to Sullivan's Travels or...

The Magnificent Ambersons



1943- Casablanca- Oscar really got this one right!
1944- Going My Way- Should have gone to either Meet Me In St. Louis or Double Indemnity.
1945- The Lost Weekend- Highly regarded but I think A Tree Grows In Brooklyn should have won.
1946- The Best Years of Our Lives- As previously discussed It's A Wonderful Life should have won and My Darling Clementine was another strong nominee.
1947- Gentlemen's Agreement- First Best Picture winner for director Elia Kazan
1948- Hamlet- Classic but the award should have gone to either Red River or The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
1949- All The King's Men
1950- All About Eve- A good flick to be sure but C'MON!!! Sunset Boulevard should have won or The Third Man which WAS NOT NOMINATED! Criminal!
1951- An American In Paris- Great, but I would have picked A Streetcar Named Desire
1952- The Greatest Show On Earth- This is one of the Academy's worst years. Not only is Demille's circus movie not that great, but films like High Noon and The Bad and the Beautiful were much better and worst of all the one that should have won was not even nominated! Are you kidding me?!!!

Singin' In The Rain




1953- From Here To Eternity- Great film but I could easily switch it with Shane.
1954- On The Waterfront- Elia Kazan's second Best Picture is an excellent film but I could easily give the award to Hitchcock's Rear Window.
1955- Marty- Another huge black eye for the Academy. The Award could have gone to either James Dean film, East of Eden or Rebel Without A Cause but in my book it should have gone to another un-nominated masterpiece!

Night of the Hunter



1956- Around The World In 80 Days- NO!NO!NOOO! Why are these Academy voters so clueless? Again one of the greatest films of all time (go back and read my blog entry on the Greatest Films) not nominated...

The Searchers



1957- The Bridge on the River Kwai- David Lean's first Best Picture.
1958- Gigi- Remember what I said about the 50s in my Best Actor category? These voters were zombies. Yes, Gigi was the last great MGM musical BUT not to even nominate Touch of Evil or ANOTHER of the "Greatest films" and Hitchcock's masterpiece....

Vertigo



Inconceivable!

1959- Ben-Hur- Too late to redeem themselves but at least the Academy ended the decade by getting it right!



Next I will tackle the 60s forward.