How Time Flies

Wow, five months! It's been a while since I've posted here and much has happened. Osama bin Laden is dead, some royal somebodies got married or something, and I've seen dozens of movies....some good, some bad. The King's Speech won the Oscar for Best Picture for last year and deservedly so, although I would have preferred to see Inception get that honor. However, I pretty much hate those ridiculous award shows anyway, so either way I'd find something to complain about. The best things are nearly always overlooked by the Hollywood establishment. I think that's what I'll be focusing on with this blog for now: underrated movie gems. And I would love for this to be an interactive discussion also. If there are movies you love that nobody else seems to appreciate, that don't get played on TBS bi-weekly, that didn't win awards, or have been moved to the $5 and under bin at Wal-mart please let us know about them and what makes them special to you.

My first candidate for this category of underrated gems is.....


Son of Rambow



This overlooked British comedy from 2008 is one my favorite films. From the first moments you know you are watching good filmmaking. As the contrast of the main characters is presented so starkly in a matter of seconds you realize what fun this movie is going to have with their eventual friendship. I also find new moments of comedy each time I watch it. If you need a funny, feel good movie with that nostalgic quality of childhood imagination please check this one out.

My Top Ten Favorite Films of the Decade (2001-2010)

(The Shawshank Redemption was voted "best prison movie" in the last poll. Thanks for participating.)

Narrowing down my top ten wasn't easy. Many, many films I love have been left out and so I will start with a sizeable list of "honorable mentions" all between the years of 2001-2010.

Amelie
The Passion of The Christ
Shaun of the Dead
Cinderella Man
Seabiscuit
Finding Nemo
Hot Fuzz
About Schmidt
Adaptation
Evelyn
The Hurt Locker
A Mighty Wind
Big Fish
Gosford Park
The Darjeeling Limited
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
City of God
The Man Who Wasn't There

...and probably several more I forgot.

But here are the ten movies I chose because either I cannot watch them enough or they stay in my mind even if I've only seen them once or twice.

10. No Country For Old Men
Directed by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
Starring- Javier Bardem, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin


Here is a film that it took some time for me to warm up to even though I knew the acting and directing were top notch. I think the folksy dialogue taken from Cormac McCarthy's novel combined with Javier Bardem's portrayal of the scariest man ever on film make this movie impossible to forget.

9. The Departed
Directed by Martin Scorsese
Starring- Jack Nicholson, Leonardo Dicaprio, Martin Sheen,Mark Wahlberg, and Matt Damon


Scorsese can pack a punch with his narrative, music, and plot as quickly and effectively as any director in history. The fact that the opening credits don't roll until a half hour of whizz-bang exposition only amplifies the story and draws the viewer in for a violent thrill ride full of explosive dialogue and plot twists. This movie has grown on me also, because once you start watching, it is nearly impossible to stop. Nicholson, DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg, and to my surprise, Matt Damon are all at the top of their game.

8. Casino Royale
Directed by Martin Campbell
Starring Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench, and Mads Mikkelsen


The Bond formula is a popular and familiar one with fans of the genre. We expect certain things to satisfy that old Ian Fleming spy thriller urge. But like all formulas it gets stale and predictable and falls flat without the right character as 007 and without a story that at least seems feasible even if far-fetched. Casino Royale introduces the world to the best Bond film of them all and arguably the best James Bond since the original, Sean Connery himself. The "Bond Begins" narrative passes the test on every level mostly thanks to Daniel Craig and Eva Green who are both excellent...not to mention the greatest on-foot chase sequence in movie history.

7. The Incredibles
Directed by Brad Bird
Starring Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Jason Lee, and Samuel L. Jackson


While the critics have heaped praise on other Pixar movies like Up, Wall-E, Ratatouille, and Finding Nemo I have been saying for years that The Incredibles is
the most impressive work Pixar and Disney have done. I'm sure the environmentally conscious story in Wall-E had much to do with the love the critics have given it and the very conservative viewpoint expressed in The Incredibles probably has many of those same critics scratching their heads. But besides the message I like so much, The Incredibles makes my list because of the writing and the way it was made. The look of the film pushed the art of computer animation forward because there are scenes that look like a real movie. You forget when you see things out of focus in the frame or when characters don't completely fit into the shot that you are watching an animated film where those imperfections can be easily fixed. Brad Bird's direction is amazing and his sense for action, drama, and storytelling creates an animated universe far more compelling than most live action films.

6. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Directed by Peter Jackson
Starring Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, and Ian McKellan


I must confess I was surprised when Return of the King won Best Picture at the Academy Awards because it was the third film in a trilogy and because it is a fantasy/adventure film...not the usual favorite of the Academy. But I suppose it was impossible to ignore the trilogy which took movie action, CGI and the fantasy genre to new heights and since this was the culmination of the three it had to win. I was also very skeptical of Peter Jackson's big screen attempt to make the trilogy when I first heard about it, but like many lovers of the Tolkien classic I was very pleasantly surprised (despite the many changes from the books) This one is my favorite for one simple reason: it is the most exciting. I haven't been "blown away" by movie action in a theater ever before like I was watching this one...I was ten years old again, and for that I thank Peter Jackson and J.R.R. Tolkien.

5. Gangs of New York
Directed by Martin Scorsese
Starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz


Once again Dicaprio and Scorsese make my list but the main reason I love this historical tale is the greatest living actor Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher, my favorite villain of all time.

4. The Prestige
Directed by Christopher Nolan
Starring Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Scarlett Johansson, and Michael Caine


Christopher Nolan is the new genius of cinema. He is fast becoming the most innovative filmmaker out there creating stories and universes like Speilberg, Lucas, and Zemeckis have done for a few decades now. I was unable to get this brilliant film out of my head for days after seeing it. There are many nuances, parallels, and echos throughout and all of the actors are perfect, particularly Christian Bale.

3. The Royal Tenenbaums
Directed by Wes Anderson
Starring Gene Hackman, Angelica Huston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bill Murray, Luke Wilson, Ben Stiller, and Danny Glover


I love Wes Anderson movies which is not a suprise to anyone who has ever looked at this blog. Bottle Rocket will always be my favorite even if it isn't necessarily the best or most artistic work in the Wes Anderson catalogue. But if I were to pick my second favorite Anderson film, Tenenbaums is certainly the one. I have watched it several times and my appreciation grows the more I see it. It seems many people including critics missed the point of this film. One famous critic said it was a film "about nothing". Or you could say it is a film about everything. The genius of Anderson's films is that undercurrent of emotion beneath the comedy, the costumes, and the meticulously detailed set pieces. If you pay attention you can see the transformation and eventual redemption of Royal's character. If you don't you just might be one of the many who dismissed this film as odd and pointless. I call it unique and brilliant.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Directed by Michael Gondry
Starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Tom Wilkinson, Kirsten Dunst, and Mark Ruffalo


Director Michael Gondry and writer Charlie Kaufman are a match made in movie heaven. To put it simply this is the most romantic movie I've ever seen and the one of the most ingenious story ideas I've ever heard. An artsy movie with a "love conquers all" message? Will wonders never cease.

1. Inception
Directed by Christopher Nolan
Starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Marion Cotillard, Ellen Page, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt


There really aren't enough words to describe this movie and its effect on me personally. Like I said about Nolan's other classic, The Prestige, this film stays in the mind for days after seeing it. I can't think of a better use of cinematic expression than a film like this which involves dreams within dreams. It is simultaneously emotional and mind blowing. If the creators of movie magic from yesteryear (from D.W. Griffith to Stanley Kubrick) could see Inception I believe they would hold it in the highest admiration, and marvel at how far this art form has come. Inception isn't only the best film of the last decade, it is the best of many decades.


Happy New Year everyone!

My Top Ten TV Show Intros of all time

Going through all of the memorable TV intros takes forever. There are dozens of great ones deserving of mention so it was tough to narrow it down to these ten. Keep in mind this is not a top ten shows list. Not even close. None of these are among my favorite shows which would include The Office (American and British versions), Arrested Development and House. These are the best intros only. What makes a great intro? Very simple- Does it make you want to watch the show? It should combine a good theme song with well edited show images. It should be exciting and/or funny. Some shows were never as good as their introduction. And some great shows had horrible intros or horrible theme songs...Family Ties for instance! If that song had no nostalgic effect on me I'm sure I'd find it nauseating.

Admittedly this list is biased. I favor the shows I grew up watching but part of that is because the TV intro was more in style back then. Having a catchy theme still works but back then everybody knew the theme song for Cheers, and M.A.S.H., and The Jeffersons. By the way none of those made this list. Actually I should give a few honorable mentions that are great but didn't make the cut.
Happy Days
Mission: Impossible (awesome theme song)
Get Smart
Laverne and Shirley
The Addams Family
Mork and Mindy
The Andy Griffith Show
CHIPS
The Beverly Hillbillies
Spongebob Squarepants (Yes!)
Good Times
Gilligan's Island
I Spy (one of the best produced openers of all)
The Greatest American Hero (love it or hate it you'll never get "Believe It Or Not" out of your head!)
and a whole bunch more you will hate me for leaving off....sorry ladies no Brady Bunch or Bewitched either.

Here are the ten I chose:


Hawaii Five 0


Strong sound and image combination. Practically anyone can hum this theme song. The show is back but probably won't be as good without Jack Lord.

Star Trek


The original and simply the best intro. "To boldly go where no man has gone before" That kind of teaser made even skeptics tune in. Then they saw a Romulun and decided "Naaaah, not for me"


The Dukes of Hazzard


Dumb show but excellent intro. It has all the elements that make a large demographic feel compelled to tune in. Fast cars, guitar picking, Catherine Bach making preteen boy hearts go all aflutter, and of course a character named "Cooter".


The Twilight Zone


This spine tingling music along with Rod Serling's ominous voice make one great TV intro recipe. Hard to compete with this in the "memorable" department. People sound out this music any time they are freaked out in the same way we all hum the Jeopardy theme when somebody won't hurry the hell up!


Police Squad


Two words- Abraham Lincoln. Classic. Absolutely the funniest opener of all time!



Knight Rider


Very 80s but the soundtrack holds up surprisingly well unlike many other action shows from the period; MacGyver and Street Hawk for instance.



Simon and Simon


Underrated classic that's hand-clappin' good. This intro gets me all fired up and ready for some butt kickin' 80s TV action! Nice 'stache McRaney!


Batman


This has a special place in my heart. As a young boy I'd come a runnin' at the sound of it!



Magnum P.I.


BOOM! In yo face with 'copters and ferraris and a massive mustache! Yeah, Hawaii and guns and girls and stuff! Where's Kenny Loggins to provide some vocal power?
Perhaps I was too young to get it but the show never lived up to the hype of this intro to me.



The A-Team



This is my favorite intro ever! Makes me wanna blow crap up! In mere seconds you respect Hannibal, wanna be coooool like Face, laugh at Murdoch, and get the heck out of B.A.'s way! And this theme song never gets old like so many others. It still packs a punch. Classic.

My Top 15 Favorite Female Music Artists

Once again this list is not a "greatest of all time" list but my personal favorites. So you won't see Joni Mitchell, or Madonna, or Patti Smith. And no I don't have Whitney, Mariah, or Christina Aguilera on my list either. I do like Tina Turner, Grace Slick, and Debbie Harry but no, not on the list. But I did struggle over leaving Debbie Gibson off of my list, because Electric Youth is such a masterpiece of creativity....especially the video. Here's my list:

15. Kim Gordon (Sonic Youth)

Singer, songwriter, bassist and sometime guitarist for the modern post-punk equivalent of The Velvet Underground, New York's Sonic Youth. Kim along with husband and guitarist Thurston Moore is the voice of the group. She's got grit, she's got style.

14. Patsy Cline

Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette are great in their own right, but Patsy was always my favorite of the country divas. Her style was simple but beautiful and many of her songs have stood the test of time, like Crazy and I Go Walking.

13. Billie Holliday

Lady Day did not have the range of other jazz vocalists but a silky smooth style that set her apart. She also had an unmistakable image with the white carnation in her hair.

12. Lauryn Hill

I consider Lauryn the most talented female hip-hop artist of them all. Her writing and vocal skills are the best. I don't know what happened to her but when she was with The Fugees and made her solo debut nobody was better to me. The last I saw of her was a live acoustic set that blew me away. Turns out she can play a guitar as well.

11. Norah Jones

Norah is my wife's favorite. I have endured the same CD, Norah's debut Come Away With Me, over and over to the point of disdain. But fortunately, I like her work and have huge admiration for her ability to incorporate different genres and styles into her trademark sound. She is obviously very talented as a songwriter and musician.

10. Dolores O'Riordan (The Cranberries)

I don't know if she's still recording, and I didn't notice anything special from her last solo work but when Dolores was writing and recording songs with The Cranberries, particlarly the first three albums, she was the best. I thought of her like a female Bono, since she is Irish and the singer-songwriter of the group. Her vocals are perfectly melodic and piercing on the heavier tracks. C'mon, haven't we all tried to imitate that high lilt on Zombie?

9. Etta James

The Queen of the Blues, with a vocal as raw and powerful as a steam engine.

8. Ingrid Michaelson

She is new on the scene and I don't even know most of her work, but what I have heard is some amazing songwriting. She has a knack for lyrics and creating harmonies that many other artists could learn from in my opinion. Die Alone is such a good song it never gets old.

7. Aretha Franklin

What can I say about the Queen of Soul that hasn't already been said? She might have the most powerful voice any woman ever had. Her gospel work is sometimes overlooked but just as awe-inspiring.

6. Feist

I got to see her in concert, and even though she's a dork, her musical ability and songwriting are awesome. She has such a pretty voice and knows how to craft a catchy tune like few around today.

5. Sarah Vaughan

I have already written about Sarah on my jazz list, but I will say that it might seem unfair to include jazz vocalists on a list with singer-songwriters and musicians. But I can't help it with a voice like Sarah's. She should be on any list of female talent.

4. Emily Haines (Metric, Emily Haines and The Soft Skeleton)

I was fortunate enough to see Metric live a few years ago. I love her voice and her songwriting.

3. Shara Worden (My Brightest Diamond)

Shara might be the most talented female artist around today. Her operatic vocals are beyond any female singer I've heard. I got to see My Brightest Diamond live also, and even thought they were the opener with an abbreviated set, Shara still put on an incredible show.

2. Alison Krauss

Alison Krauss is an angel on Earth. I've said many times jokingly, that if I weren't married I'd be an Alison Krauss stalker. Who am I kidding, though, she'd want to marry a guy like me any day! But seriously, I have enjoyed her voice and musical ability for years and finally saw her live at Red Rocks with Robert Plant. I'm a Led Zeppelin fan, but I have to say I was only interested in seeing Alison perform. She's my favorite living female artist.

1. Ella Fitzgerald

As previously stated, Ella is my favorite female artist in any genre of music. I know she didn't play an instrument or write any songs but she recorded every standard in the Great American Songbook at least once. Her voice was sonically perfect. Like Nat King Cole, she sang every syllable with perfect diction. She hits every note with no noticeable effort and had the range of an opera singer. Her intonation has been described as "flawless" and "God-like". Her work with Louis Armstrong is my favorite.

My Favorite Jazz Artists

(Joe Biden was voted "most expendable sidekick")


I love Jazz and have built a respectable collection of music over the years. I'm not in the same league as any jazz aficionodo probably because I like so many other genres of music so much. But I often get on a jazz "kick" and add to my music collection. Here is a list of my favorite jazz artists. You will notice that nearly all of them come from the same era and style. I particulary like traditional jazz from the bebop era. I am not as much into swing, although I do enjoy it too, and I have very little fusion or modern jazz. That's why you don't see names like Herbie Hancock, Jaco Pastorius, or Pat Metheny on this list. One day I will probably delve deeper into that arena of music. Although I do have a little post bop in my collection like Ornette Coleman and McCoy Tyner. I also include my favorite vocalists on this list.

And for the record this is not necessarily a list of the greatest jazz artists of all time, but would closely assimilate such a list.

Sarah Vaughan

Sarah had remarkable range for a jazz singer. She could sing low and sultry and then raise the roof with her high notes. She is very close to being my favorite vocalist but that honor goes to another jazzy lady.


Stan Getz

Of the Cool Jazz artists Stan is probably my favorite. I particularly love his greatest work, the bossa nova breakthrough album Getz/Gilberto. Every note is pitch perfect to me.


Bill Evans

Evans is quite possibly the greatest genius of jazz piano. I know that's saying a lot when you consider guys like Art Tatum, Oscar Peterson, and Thelonious Monk. But of all jazz pianists Miles Davis wanted Bill to play for him. Miles once said Bill's playing sounded like waterfalls. His style is unmistakeably beautiful.


Art Blakey

Usually when the greatest jazz drummers are discussed you will hear names like Max Roach, Buddy Rich, or Gene Krupa. But my favorite is Art Blakey, not just for his work with the sticks but as a band leader for The Jazz Messengers. A Night in Tunisia and Moanin' are some of the best jazz albums of all time.


Wes Montgomery

Like the drummer argument, many will argue over jazz's greatest guitarist, and there are many. I am a Django Rheinhardt fan, I like Kenny Burrell and George Benson. John Scofield is obviously great too. But Wes is the king in my opinion. Willow Weep For Me is one of my favorite albums and I also love it when Wes plays with Jimmy Smith.


Charles Mingus

Other than Duke Ellington himself, I believe Charlie is jazz's greatest composer and bandleader. Some of his hard bop creations sound cutting edge even today. He was an innovator in music and in coolness.


Lee Morgan

Lee Morgan was an underrated trumpet player who backed up Wayne Shorter and John Coltrane and was a member of Art Blakey's Jazz Messengers before making a solo masterpiece, The Sidewinder. His style and songwriting were fantastic.


John Coletrane

What can be said about Coltrane that hasn't already been said? He basically took the foundations of jazz saxophone laid down by Charlie Parker and other early bebop pioneers and forged into new realms of music. His dissonant style is difficult to appreciate in parts of his career but he never shied away from expressing himself. Every jazz lover should own Giant Steps, Blue Train and A Love Supreme. I would also recommend Crescent.


Charlie Parker

"Bird" has been called a musical genius. Some even say that after Louis Armstrong he is the greatest jazz innovator who ever lived. It is hard to say when you consider the impact Miles Davis had in music history, but without a doubt Charlie stands alone among saxophone innovators. His effortless style of play is so unique, I imagine many other proficient players were jealous of his ability. Unfortunately he died far too young and his body of work is very sparse compared to Coletrane and others.


Cannonball Adderley

Cannonball is the "Happy Coltrane". His melodies are less dissonant and sonically perfect. What makes Miles Davis' Kind of Blue such a great listen is the back and forth saxophone duet between Cannonball and Coltrane. But Cannonball has many solo efforts worth paying attention to as well, particularly Somethin' Else which I've listened to so many times I hear it in my sleep.


Medeski, Martin, and Wood

So here they are, the only modern jazz, fusion type artists on my list. Although the trio has done plenty of traditional styles with a modern twist. The live album Tonic is my favorite but I enjoy all of their stuff.


Louis Armstrong

"Satchmo" is the king of jazz and arguably the single most important musical figure of the 20th century. I have to admit I rarely listen to any of his early groundbreaking work like The Hot Fives and Hot Sevens but I love his duets with Ella Fitzgerald.


Ella Fitzgerald

Ella is my favorite female singer in any genre of music. Her voice is like velvet and glides over the notes so gracefully it seems like she isn't even trying. There was even some discussion before my youngest daughter was born about naming her Ella!


Mile Davis

Although the title "Hardest Working Man in Show Business" has been taken by James Brown, I think it aptly applies to Miles Davis who never stopped working and inventing. He is responsible for pioneering four types of jazz music: Bebop, Cool, Modal, and Fusion. And he created what many consider the greatest jazz album of all time, Kind of Blue. I have several Davis albums on CD and yet I've barely scratched the surface of his massive catalogue.


Duke Ellington

Duke is probably my favorite jazz artist. He is without a doubt the best composer and band leader of them all. His live album Live at Newport 1956 shows how electrifying his performances could be. Every time he tried to end the show the crowd grew close to rioting. And in the midst of the hysteria Duke uttered his trademark valediction "We do love you madly." First class all the way.

There are dozens of great jazz artists that I also love who didn't make this list. Some others I enjoy are Thelonious Monk, Horace Silver, Billie Holliday, Count Basie, Lester Young, Chet Baker, Dizzy Gillespie, Milt Jackson, Sonny Rollins, Dexter Gordon, and Dave Brubeck.

The Wost Movies I've Ever Seen

The Worst Movies I've Ever Seen- not the worst movies ever made, because let's face it who has time in their life to compile that list? I don't think I need to tell anybody that Friday the 13th movies suck or whatever Jean-Claude Van Damme did for ten years running.

And I will put another qualifier on this topic. There are worse movies that I've seen than these ten, but they aren't popular or blockbuster type movies and so bringing them up is a waste of time. I can think of some that few people have seen, like The Power of One for example, but I think that's a good thing. This is a list of beloved, over-played flicks which suck that much more because of the undeserved praise and box office payola they received. You may ask why Pearl Harbor isn't on my list...simple, I never saw it! I was smart enough to know better after one preview. Michael Bay + Ben Affleck = cinematic swine flu.

And speaking of that awful combination:

Armageddon


This was picked as the worst movie of the year by either Siskel or Ebert the year it was released. I suggest reading Ebert's review online since it does a much better job of explaining why it sucks than I could. But I think the people I mentioned above have everything to do with it- horrible acting, and horrible directing. I laughed like crazy when Bruce Willis had to hold the detonator with his thumb at the end. After every single small detail of their stupid mission went wrong up to that point it sure was a big surprise when that happened, uh-huh. That's what was so wrong with this retarded movie, I was laughing when I think I was supposed to get teary-eyed and straight-faced when I was supposed to be laughing. That's Michael Bay for ya. Oh and producer of garbage, Jerry Bruckheimer too.

Remember The Titans


Did I mention Jerry Bruckheimer? What a coincidence, here's another one of his movies I hate. I know of everything on my list I'm gonna get the most flak over this one. Everybody just loves the sweet story of football triumph and racial harmony. Please, what a bunch of fake manipulative swill. I never once fell for the drama this was trying so hard to dish out especially since it was based on a true story. That's what killed me. There is no way in real life these guys strutted out onto the field in unison singing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"! And when the white boy gets hospitalized and the black boy comes to see him all weepy that's when I'd had enough. I saw that whole scenario coming from a mile away. What is this, an afterschool special on race relations? Want a real football movie? Watch Friday Night Lights. Want a football/race feel good movie? Watch The Blind Side. And even Radio, which is manipulative and sappy and far-fetched in spots, is better than Titans to me.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves


This could very easily be a candidate for the worst film ever made. As a matter of fact I think it holds the record for the most "flubs" in a major film. That means continuity errors and other mistakes. First off Kevin Costner is awful, absolutely awful as Robin Hood. His motivation is never clear, his accent comes and goes, and his hair looks like he just shot a Duran Duran video. What I never understood is why anybody decided to follow this Robin Hood at all. Morgan Freeman's character is far more compelling and he has BOMBS to blow crap up for goodness sake! I'd elect him the leader of the revolution!
Then there's the characters and the writing. Alan Rickman as the villain is a comic pansy that cannot be taken seriously. Maid Marion is an ass kicking ninja (??) at the beginning and nearly beats Robin Hood, but at the end she's a typically pathetic damsel in distress pinned to the floor by the aforementioned pansy villain. I guess the first half and the second half of the film were written by different people.

Sleepless In Seattle


I LOATHE this movie. When I first saw this movie after all the hype about how romantic it was, about how it was inspired by An Affair To Remember the classic romance starring Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant I was sorely disappointed. This movie is a joke. Compared to what I consider a great romantic comedy, When Harry Met Sally, this movie is empty and has what I consider a horrible message about love. Meg Ryan's character is trapped apparently in a loveless relationship with Bill Pullman, who has the sniffles *gasp* and so when she hears a widower on a radio show she falls for him.....okay, if that's putting too fine a point on it, then somebody tell me exactly what happens. They don't even meet face to face until the end and don't speak but it's "fate" I suppose. As I've said before on this blog, I want to see the next five minutes I call the "cab ride scene" where they do talk and it's revealed they have nothing in common. Then she has to crawl back to Bill Pullman and beg him to take her back!

Titanic


Okay, so this won Best Picture and everyone on planet earth saw it TWICE and loved it. Well, so what. If you say it looks great and the depiction of the sinking ship was historically accurate you may be right, but as is typical of a James Cameron film the story was predictable and the characters extremely childish and paper thin. I had no sympathy for any of them plus they reminded me of characters in a bad cartoon. Billy Zane in particular plays such an over the top jerk, nothing he does seems realistic. But the worst thing about this movie is the way the real life characters like Molly Brown are just background scenery for a cheap dime store romance we can hum every note to all the way to the predictable finish. What a shame.

Avatar


You can pretty much just take the review above and stick it onto this one. Once again James Cameron gives us a ground breaking cinematic feat, watched and rewatched by everyone, and yet the story and characters are cheap, familiar, and sophomoric. It doesn't help that the main character is a moron. How am I supposed to sympathize with this dunderhead? The story is ripped right from Dances With Wolves and Pocahantas and better than neither. I couldn't believe a good actor like Stephen Lang got suckered into playing the drill sergeant, an R. Lee Ermey impression so overdone by now I assumed it was supposed to make me laugh. I probably wouldn't have hated this movie so much if it weren't shoved down my throat with relentless hype as the "#1 movie of all time!" Really? It was more like a Saturday morning cartoon posing as the world's longest Go Green commercial.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest


First of all, I wasn't one of these people that thought the first Pirates film was the greatest thing since Sonny and Cher broke up. I liked the first movie alright, but didn't get all of the fainting over Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow. So I guess I deserved to have hours of my life and twenty or so dollars ripped from me by the mindless, overindulgent, repetitive, disgusting, and completely pointless sequel. I have never left a theater more pissed off than after this movie and my wife felt about the same. Needless to say I never saw the third film which I've heard is even worse. Surprise, surprise.

The Matrix Reloaded


Yeah, better wear those shades in that dark room so you don't draw attention to yourself or anything, sigh. Here's another sequel that absolutely destroys the original film without prejudice or common sense. Like the Pirates sequel this was a collossal pointless waste of time. But, unlike Pirates which is supposed to be dumb mindless fun, the Wachowski brothers take all of this garbage completely serious. It's like they are trying to impress us with every meaningless line and every meaningless interminably long fight scene. How many fight scenes do we need? Well, according to these boneheads a whole bunch. Then there's the crap philosophy where character say things which make absolutely no sense. Here's an idea, maybe Keanu Reeves and philosophy don't mix, that is unless you want the audience to think this is a comedy. Anyway, I could go on and on about how this movie sucks but that would be like watching it and I think that's what the terrorists would want!

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones


I grew up loving Star Wars and so it is with sadness that I have to say that the prequels SUCK! When Phantom Menace proved to be horrible, I had hope that the second film would somehow redeem the series. Oh well, so much for that frickin' pipe dream. First of all, Hayden Christensen can't act, but to further exacerbate that fact, his director AND writer was George Lucas! I couldn't believe my ears at some of this dialogue....wait, no, I saw Phantom Menace. Yeah I could believe it. As a matter of fact it wasn't even as bad!

There is so much wrong with this film I really can't see getting carpal tunnel putting it all down. But one thing that ruins all of the prequels is the way the action is SOOOOOO boring. That's because the actors look bored and the things they do are so ridiculous it might as well be a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. When they drop several stories or fly through asteroids you never believe they are in danger, since everything is CGI. No tension means boring action.

And here is the #1 worst movie I've ever seen:

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace


Nothing about this movie makes sense. Nothing. I have no idea how trade routes are taxed and what's more I don't care. Lucas gives us nothing to care about from beginning to end, whether it's a monotone lifeless queen, a retarded crack addled cartoon rabbit-dog creature, TWO useless jedi, and a little kid who's acting makes Keanu Reeves seem nuanced. There is no main character. The plot is confusing and full of holes. Darth Maul is a wasted character who just looks cool and Qui Gonn is not even necessary which makes Obi-Wan's role unclear and far too limited. And of course there are long boring scenes of people talking about things nobody really cares about. They fly from here to there without any real purpose and then fly back. Nothing much is accomplished in the end but I'm sure they will make up for that in the next two movies....yeah, we know how that turned out.