World Cup Soccer

Every four years I enjoy watching the World Cup. I have been paying attention to this global event since the U.S.A. hosted it in 1994 and since I grew up playing soccer it wasn't hard for me to embrace the spectacle. But every four years I am reminded (repeatedly!) how much people in America hate soccer. I hear it everywhere, from talking heads on TV like Letterman, Leno, and even Glenn Beck, to radio, to my own family! Since I have observed the debate on soccer (or football as it's known everywhere but here) I thought now was a good time to put in my two and half cents.





First of all, I have never thought soccer was a better sport than our big 3 American sports, football, baseball, and basketball. I am first and foremost a football fan, that is American football. If anyone ever looks at this blog they probably know that Alabama Crimson Tide football is my first love, sports-wise. I love college football and the SEC specifically above all. I also really like the NFL. Nothing competes with these on television. TV was created to air football games....just my opinion. I also love baseball which has its haters as well. I like basketball, I don't necessarily love it, but if my favorite teams are winning, I can be just as passionate about it as any other sport. Soccer however is the sport of my youth. I played from the 3rd grade up into high school. I was in excellent shape and even made the 8th grade basketball team as a result. I could barely make a shot but I outhustled every one of my teammates in practice because it was a breeze compared to soccer practices.


Anyway, what I find comical is the way every four years when the World Cup comes around Americans everywhere act like they've never heard of this new thing called soccer! "What, you mean you can't touch it with your hands...what a dumb sport" "The clock counts up, not down?" "Why don't they stop the clock for injuries or take time outs?" "You mean they can end in a scoreless tie?!!!"

I hear how boring it is, how pointless it is, how wussy or wimpy it is or even that it's a communist sport! But most baffling to me of all is that every time I hear a bash soccer rant invariably this phrase is uttered "Soccer fans are so elitist. They say if you don't like soccer 'you don't get it'. Oh, I get it, I just think it sucks. They are always shoving soccer down our throats. Well, this is America and we don't like boring, sissy sports blah blah blah..." I also have heard how it "waters down" our beloved American sports because soccer Moms put their kids in soccer at the expense of football or baseball, etc. I call all of this "Exhibit A in the court of ironic opinions"



I'm not saying these professed "soccer elitists" don't exist it's just that I've never met one! I like soccer and the words "you just don't get it" have never crossed my lips. On the other hand the elitists I do encounter, by the frickin' boatload, are soccer bashing American fans who can't wait to jump on the "Soccer Sucks!" bandwagon every four years when the World Cup is on. I've been listening to it for weeks now. Is there no ability for introspection anymore? Isn't it a bit obvious that the arrogant attitude is not coming from FIFA or soccer enthusiasts but YOU? And maybe if I'd never played I wouldn't be interested, but even then I can't imagine being so narrow as to bash it because others like it so much. I personally couldn't care less what other people like or don't like...until I am repeatedly berated with their opinion obviously. It is also interesting that nobody ever complains about tennis or golf "watering down" American sports, after all those were created by the Brits just like soccer.

Funny how nobody ever complains about American football being shoved down our throats or even NASCAR, which I don't give half a rip about but I see it on TV constantly. Maybe because these self-deluded soccer haters are fans of those sports, and no one ever complains about things they like being forced upon them. Besides it's a free country you know, nobody is holding a gun to your head and making you watch something you hate. Yes, it is obvious that ESPN and other entities on TV want soccer to catch on more in this country and so they might have an agenda, but when they put on a WNBA game I just turn the channel, I don't call in radio shows to vent about how much I hate women's basketball! But the difference between the WNBA or NASCAR or even the NFL and the World Cup is obvious. It's only the biggest sporting event on the planet! Soccer, no matter how much Americans may loathe it, is played all over this country and is the only sport played on every single continent. You don't have to like it, but the crusade to make people hate it is much more annoying and futile than any attempt at shoving it down people's throats. And like the Olympics when it's an international competition and the USA is involved I tend to have a patriotic urge to pay attention. Call me crazy.



Anwyay, the match of the century is coming on so I gotta go....Argentina v. Germany. This should decide the whole enchilada. But don't worry, I won't judge anyone who doesn't feel compelled to watch.

My Favorite Music Artists of all time

(Elvis Presley won "favorite founding father of rock" in the last poll. Thanks.)


Well, it's about time. I am resisting the urge with all my might to make this a top ten mostly because after my top two there is a bunch of parity in my mind. I will save those top two for last.


Pink Floyd

I'm not that interested in anything Waters or Gilmour have done since the band broke up but when they were making music together it was by far the best in the world. Dark Side of the Moon is in my opinion the premiere rock album and Wish You Were Here is close behind it.


Radiohead


I believe until Larry Mullen Jr. hangs up his sticks for the final time U2 holds the title of "greatest band in the world" but Radiohead is by far the most talented, relevant, and creative. They are the heirs apparent in my opinion. Many great bands create one masterpiece, but each successive album Radiohead produces is a new groundbreaking tour-de-force. I look forward to many more years of inventiveness.


The 77s


Outside of Christian circles this band is virtually unknown. I have been following them since the early 90s after their "fifteen minutes of fame" when Island records released their self-titled third album. Mike Roe is over fifty now but continues recording with the new lineup. They've done every genre of music from New Wave, to blues, to hard rock, to rockabilly. I sometimes feel like the only person in their fanbase but I don't care. They are still one of my favorites.


Elvis Presley


I am unashamed in my admiration for "The King" even as it has become sort of a novelty. I feel like I'm on a mission to preach his worthiness to each new generation of doubters. He is NOT the first "Backstreet Boy" as someone recently said to me! When Sam Phillips first heard him sing "That's Alright Mama" and it's B-side, the Bill Monroe bluegrass standard "Blue Moon of Kentucky" he realized this was something new, something that would get people's attention. Not once did Sam think, "this dude sure has a pretty face, I think I'll make him famous."

I watched the Paul McCartney documentary "The Real Buddy Holly Story" recently and not only was Buddy Holly a huge fan of Elvis, but the original Crickets said they went to see Elvis when he came to Lubbock because "we didn't know what he looked like". They didn't even know for sure if he was white. It was all about the sound. The image came soon enough. Yes, he made lots of really bad movies and sullied that image some, but the raw talent was always there. I am a fan of the early Elvis, before the pills, before the rhinestone jumpsuits. Like Hank Williams less than a decade before and Robert Johnson a few decades before that, Elvis had a voice that cut through the fog, stood out among imitators, and forged a new era in music.


Elvis with fellow Sun Records star B.B. King

B.B. King


Although I am a huge Muddy Waters fan, I consider B.B. the undisputed "king of the blues". He crossed genres more effectively than any other blues artist but has always stayed true to his own style. The voice, the guitar, the songwriting are the best of all in the blues genre. He puts a passion into it that nobody else can match. As I've already mentioned on this blog I have seen B.B. live twice and those were experiences I will forever cherish. I love B.B. King!


Bob Dylan


He's a genius. Actually, we throw that word around way too much in our culture, but he is the only person on this list or maybe in all of modern music that can be accurately described that way. Dylan sees things in a way nobody else does and writes about them in a way nobody else is capable of. When David Crosby of The Byrds first heard him he said "what's so great about this guy? He doesn't even have a good voice" Then after reading the lyrics to "Mr. Tambourine Man" he quickly said, "Yep, he's a genius". Lyrically there is no equal to Dylan as a songwriter, and musically he's in very lofty company as well. Once in a while I need a Dylan fix and just about any of his early albums will do the trick, but my favorites I've already chronicled on this blog if anyone is interested in finding them.


Dylan with "The Man in Black"

Johnny Cash


"...The Memphis Flash, didn't smoke hash, woulda been a sissy without Johnny Cash!"
-Bono on Elvis in his poem "American David"
Johnny Cash is bigger than country. He's bigger than life. What makes him so awesome in my estimation is that, like Bob Dylan, he defies all conventions of his supposed genre and steams his own trail. There are no other artists comparable to him. When you hear a Johnny Cash song it is totally his. Unlike Elvis and others, The Man in Black cannot be imitated, he is too unique. He was and is revered in Nashville, probably because nobody else there could walk as tall or exude coolness the way he did. We miss you Johnny.


Hank Williams


I guess I'm just a sucker for "kings". I love the king of the blues, the king of rock 'n roll, and I love the King of Country. Hank is among the most important musical figures of the 20th century. His music crosses genres even though it was probably never intended to by him. Tony Bennett made "Cold, Cold Heart" popular in a jazz setting. Norah Jones has also recorded it. Beck is famous for performing Hank's songs in concert. Personally there are few things in life that can compete with a Hank Williams song in my book. I like them as much as chocolate or a good beer. A Hank tune will pick me up any time of day in any situation. His voice, like Elvis, is unmistakeable, powerful, soulful, beautiful. Every one else that every sang a country song pales in comparison, even country crooners like George Jones. I always sing along too, I just can't help myself. What's so amazing is that he was only 29 when he died and his career spanned all of four years. Like a comet. What a legacy!


U2


My love for U2 stems from a perfect storm in my life. If I had not begun listening when I did they wouldn't probably be as important to me. But when Rattle and Hum first came to theaters I was an impressionable 14-year-old who up until that time listened to only Christian music or Top 40 garbage. U2 was my first experience with "real music" so to speak. Of course they have become extremely commercial since then and many have disowned them for that. I will always be a fan but I recognize most of their best work was done decades ago.

Anyway, back to the beginning. I saw the movie and then bought all of their music. I was an awkward and troubled young man with few friends so I would turn to U2's music as a refuge. I watched my own video of Rattle and Hum over and over. I watched Under a Blood Red Sky a bunch too. There are certainly more talented bands, there are more creative songwriters too, but U2 has an intangible quality, a "passion" that nobody in music can match for me. Bono is much loved and much reviled for his outspoken nature and his showmanship. I still think he's the greatest frontman rock has ever seen (with all due respect to Jim Morrison, Freddie Mercury, Roger Daltrey, Mick Jagger and many other greats)Whether they "sold out" or whatever I love them and always will.


The Beatles


Well, who else? I have always liked The Beatles. Even before my U2 "conversion" I was a Beatles fan. Now, I only liked their harmless early stuff, because like I said I was young and knew nothing about music. But in my late teens and early 20s I was die-hard into all of their music. I listened to "The White Album" and Abbey Road at least once a week. I worked with a guy who was a Beatles fanatic and he told me all of the stories he knew about them, the "Paul is Dead" clues and all that. I had a video of A Hard Day's Night the movie which I used to watch with my daughter (now 13) and she would ask to "watch Ringo" all the time when she learned to talk. I remember the cover of that video falling apart. We have it on DVD now of course as well as Help!. The importance of The Beatles to modern music would encompass way more than this blog post so I will leave it for now. But the simple fact is nobody is bigger than them, not even Elvis. And to me nobody is better than them although I love U2 just as much.
But I could go for a Hank Williams song right now....


Apologies to Led Zeppelin who almost made the list and I've decided to make a separate list for my favorite jazz artists. There are too many to list here.

Top 15 American Rock 'N Roll Songs

(The Wonder Years and The Cosby Show TIED for favorite 80s sitcom. I guess I should get more people to vote so we don't have this problem....)

Here are 15 songs that I think should be considered the best when discussing American rock music. The British have dominated many lists of the greatest music with acts like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Who and so on. But all of those groups were influenced first by the original rock and rollers on this side of the Atlantic. Some of the songs on this list came before the "British Invasion" and deserve their place in the history of 20th century music.

There are a couple of great American songs I couldn't fit in the top 15 that do deserve mention for their contribution to rock history. Bill Haley and The Comets pretty much fired the first shot of the rock 'n roll revolution when their hit song "Rock Around The Clock" appeared over the title of the 1955 film Blackboard Jungle. Soon they were playing to packed houses on both sides of the Atlantic. That song is still as catchy today as when it was written. Another classic, "Ain't That A Shame" by Fats Domino is well written, nearly forgotten, and almost made the cut. "Truckin'" by The Grateful Dead is another great song with great harmony and country roots which deserves to be mentioned. And I was struggling with "Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay" by the late great Otis Redding, but finally couldn't fit it in either.

Anyway, here are the 15 songs I think are at the top:

15. Sweet Home Alabama- Lynryd Skynryd



Although The Allmann Brothers Band is the greatest Southern rock group, this is the best song of that genre. Many might pick "Ramblin' Man" or "Free Bird" ahead of it but not me. If I had to make a list of the "Most Redneck Songs" then "Free Bird" would take the top spot for sure.

14. Respect- Aretha Franklin



The only woman on the list and the only woman who can hang with any of these guys. Nobody to this day can belt it out like the Queen of Soul. This of course was an Otis Redding song which Aretha took to new heights with a female point of view.

13. Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On- Jerry Lee Lewis



The Killer had a short career in the early days of rock but it sure packed a punch. Few could rival his eccentric stage performances and few have ever rocked the keys like Jerry Lee.

12. Papa's Got a Brand New Bag- James Brown



This is the song that put The Godfather of Soul on the map. There are plenty of songs as good or better in his huge catalogue but this one is the most important.

11. L.A. Woman- The Doors



This wasn't the first hit by the Doors (actually, I think it was the last) nor was it their most popular, but for my money it is their best. It has all of the elements that made them one of America's top bands of all time, Bluesy guitar, funky keys, and Jim Morrison's powerful deep vocals.

10. Long Tall Sally- Little Richard



Although "Tutti Frutti" was Little Richard's first hit, this was his first #1 and was subsequently recorded by Elvis, The Beatles, and The Kinks. Ironically it was Pat Boone's cover of the song that led to its commercial success.

9. Blue Suede Shoes- Carl Perkins



Carl Perkins was one of rock and roll's great singer-songwriters in the early days like Little Richard, and Chuck Berry. This classic was taken to new heights by Elvis Presley.

8. What's Going On?- Marvin Gaye



Number One Soul recording of all time.

7. That'll Be The Day- Buddy Holly



The hit that jumpstarted Buddy's career which was cut way too short but influenced EVERYBODY from The Beatles and Rolling Stones to The Grateful Dead.

6. Good Vibrations- The Beach Boys



Brian Wilson is recognized as one of the top songwriters in rock history. The Beach Boys have plenty of songs worthy of being mentioned here but this "mini-symphony" with its use of a theremin and a studio cost of approximately $50,000 to make, is by far their best single.

5. Purple Haze- Jimi Hendrix



This guitar riff is one of the most recoginizable in rock history, which makes this song the doorway to the world of the greatest rock guitarist who ever lived!

4. Heartbreak Hotel- Elvis Presley



Before this record, Elvis was a regional success but not only did "Heartbreak Hotel" become his first #1 hit it changed the face of American music forever. Years later it would hit #1 again on the country charts when Willie Nelson and Leon Russell did a cover version.

3. What'd I Say- Ray Charles



This could easily be numero uno on this list. There are few records more important or more controversial than this one. It is arguably the first "soul" song on record because it crossed over from the R&B to the pop charts. This is the cornerstone for the motown, funk and hip-hop sounds that came later. The song has been recorded by numerous artists in different genres including Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Eric Clapton, Eddie Cochran, Van Morrison, Steve Winwood, and even Nancy Sinatra. Mick Jagger, John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Brian Wilson have all said it was a major influence on their songwiting. George Harrison once said, "It was one of the best records I ever heard."

2. Like a Rolling Stone- Bob Dylan



This also could be number one. Rolling Stone magazine (gee, I wonder why) voted it #1 on their Top 500 songs list back in 2004. It is almost impossible to describe why it is so good. If you've heard it and you don't know why I suggest you keep listening. It's sort of like the pinnacle for Dylan, the perfect sample of his genius: a combination of biting but poetic lyrics and a wall of sound that defies convention. There are very few songs I relish singing along with as much as Rolling Stone. It was a favorite of Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa, and The Beatles and has been covered too many times to reference.

1. Johnny B Goode- Chuck Berry



The bottom line is simply stated: This IS rock and roll. If an alien lifeform landed on earth and wanted an explanation of what rock music is this is the song to play. Chuck Berry had already created a few hits, "Maybellene" being the first, but nothing he had done compared to the raw power of this classic. I imagine kids hearing it for the first time in 1958 and thinking it was the wildest, fastest, and rockingest music on earth. It still cooks over half a century later. Evidence of it's influence and impact is that it is one of the most covered songs in rock history, most famously in the movie Back to the Future. As Marty McFly takes the guitar from injured "Marvin Berry" (supposedly Chuck's cousin) and jams out the guitar staple you get a sense of what those '58 teens experienced!

Here's a short list of some that covered Johnny B. Goode: Elvis Presley, The Rolling Stones, Judas Priest, John Mayer Trio, Carlos Santana, Buddy Holly, Led Zeppelin, The Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Prince, Lynryd Skynyrd, The Beach Boys, B.B. King, Elton John, and The Carpenters!

Things that don't make sense

Here are some things that don't make sense. Maybe somebody can make heads or tails of them for me.


Why is the one guy not as excited as his friends? Don't you love that scooter, man?



Safety is important.



Some parents take esteem-building very seriously.



Ummmm. I, uh. I give up.



Uh, that's....um. He....and the...hmmmm, uh. Rourke, you are either way too cool for planet earth or...



Why is this person famous?



Seriously. Why is this person famous? If you ask me why Tori Spelling is famous.... easy, her Dad is Aaron Spelling. But who is this guy related to? Mariah?

Academy Blunders

(Vampires are the favorite horror genre, thanks for voting.)

In case you didn't know the Academy Awards is on today. I don't watch them anymore mostly because we already have a competition for the mentally challenged we call the Special Olympics and those people actually deserve the awards they get since they actually accomplished something. But since they get all gussied up in Hollywood and hand out little trophies to each other for the most convincing make believe I figure I will give my two cents on some recent choices I believe should have gone another direction.

"Wait, Dignan," you say, "didn't you already take the Oscars to task on this blog? I seem to remember reading this before." To which I respond...."hahahahaha, you have to be kidding, nobody reads anything around here!"

Actually I did take a look at past awards in the major categories, including a year- by-year of the Best Picture winners and what should have won, if you have the "point and click" fortitude to look it up. But this is different. The past few years there have been some films win Best Picture when the ones I would have rewarded weren't even nominated. Here's a few examples of what I mean:


2008 Best Picture
Actual Winner-Slumdog Millionaire

What should have won?

Balls of Fury


Legend has it that Bruce Lee's original vision for Enter the Dragon was an international ping-pong tournament hosted by a nefarious crime lord at a secret location. The producers had to convince him that the public just wasn't ready for an idea that far ahead of its time. After much inner conflict Bruce decided to make it a kung-fu competition and the results were pretty good. But finally, the original vision has been brought to the screen and you can see why Bruce wasn't completely satisfied with his downgraded version.
They created this masterwork with the talents of Paul Rodriguez as Agent Lopez...I mean, sorry, George Lopez as Agent Rodriguez, Aisha Tyler in some sexy outfits and a blowdart gun, and some pudgy funny guy who ISN'T Jonah Hill. But what makes the movie work so well is the villain played by Christopher Walken. It is a shame after so many years of work he couln't earn an Oscar for this role which is easily the best he's had since The Deer Hunter. Shame on you Academy. I am furious that you didn't have the balls to award Balls of Fury!!!

2006 Best Picture
Actual winner- The Departed

What should have won?

Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby



C'mon man! Do I really need to explain why this movie should have won? Everybody who has seen it knows it was the best movie of that year. Everybody and their third cousin can quote Ricky Bobby's prayer to baby Jesus! Anyway, if there's one thing you know about me it's probably that I LOVE movies about NASCAR. It's really a toss-up between this one and Herbie: Fully Loaded which has arguably the best performance of Lindsay Lohan's career since that Parent Trap remake I can't seem to watch enough. Some weekends when I just don't want to get out of bed and face the world, I pop some Lite popcorn, open up some Ginger Ale with a twist of lemon and watch the new Parent Trap all day long.........but, I digress. Will Farrell should have won best actor and Sasha Baron Cohen should have won best supporting actor as the gay French race car guy (that was a redundant description don't you think?) and Amy Adams should win best actress every year for every movie she's in! The kids were named Walker and Texas Ranger! I don't remember anything in Scorsese's movie as clever as that! Oscars, you make me sick!

2005 Best Picture
Actual winner- Crash

What should have won?

Wedding Crashers



Who cares about a bunch of racists and how much they can be racist and stuff? That Crash movie didn't even make sense. But Wedding Crashers, that was pure movie heaven. I think Rachel McAdams should win an Oscar for every movie she's in every year. Once again Christopher Walken turns in his best performance since the headless horseman in Sleepy Hollow or at least that Fatboy Slim video where he flies through the air. Oh, and guess who else is in this classic? Will Farrell! I'm seeing a pattern somehow. I don't know what that means, I just like sounding smart like my friends. This movie was as much fun as Marley and Me without that stupid dog. You suck Academy Awards!

And the 2009 winner won't be Next Day Air or Zombieland because neither was nominated. What have we become I ask you? It is inconceivable...you know, like the funny guy with a lisp in the Princess Bride movie! I'm always saying funny things like that.

Stupid Bumper Stickers Part II

(Jackie Chan wins "favorite kung fu star" in the latest poll, and Don Knotts received more votes than Bruce Lee! Interesting. Sometimes the jokes work TOO well!)


Left Wing Bumper Stickers continued...

Last time I got off on a rant over one stupid bumper sticker. I am going to do the same again. There are plenty of bone headed, misinformed, no-room-for-context, and just plain dumb bumper stickers out there. I would be wasting my time and anyone who happens to read this if I wanted to tackle even a fraction of them. So I will cut to the chase and attack the one bumper sticker that has drawn my ire more than any other. The last one I discussed was the "stupidest", well this one is the most offensive to me.



This is one version of the bumper sticker which adorned the back bumper of many Subaru Outbacks across our land, prominently displayed by some of the most ignorant anti-war lefties in history.

First let me say I am all for free speech. You don't agree with the war in Iraq and you think Bush was a moron, fine. That's your right. You also have the right to put moronic sound bites on your motor vehicle. But maybe someone needs to give you a clue about what exactly you are inferring with that little rectangle of blind arrogance. Oooh, oooh, Mr. Carter, Mr. Carter! Me, pick me, I'll tell 'em!!

This statement, of course, refers to President Bush's gaffe when he landed on an aircraft carrier after the successful invasion of Iraq and declared, "Mission accomplished!" probably to the consternation of many in the military who knew the operation had only just begun. By the way, General Tommy Franks admitted later that the pep talk from the President had been his idea because he wanted the troops to hear something positive which they obviously wouldn't find anywhere in the mainstream media.

But none of that has anything to do with how horrible the message of the bumper sticker is. You don't agree with the war, you don't believe the mission was actually accomplished at that point, you don't agree with the mission anyway, well OK. But "NOTHING"? Nothing accomplished? Think about that for a second. Think about what you are implying. Think about men and women serving, dying, DEAD! And you have the audacity to declare "Nothing" was accomplished?

When you say that nothing was accomplished you are implying:

- women should continue being the victims of "rape rooms".
- 5 year-old children should remain imprisoned.
- businessmen should have their hands chopped off.
- Olympic athletes should be executed for failing to win a medal.
- construction workers who couldn't accomplish Saddam's grand visions fast enough should have been lined up beside a swimming pool and executed.
- Saddam's gassing of the Kurds and filling mass graves with men, women, and children was just fine.
- Uday and Qusay would have been fair-handed and level-headed successors to their father's kingdom.
- the servicemen beheaded in Fallujah paid the ultimate price for "nothing". AND journalists like Daniel Pearl.

And you are implying that the people of Iraq have no right to vote for themselves, to choose to live the way they want without a money-grubbing dictator stealing their water, using their resources for his own gain and murdering them at will.

If you think the war was ill-advised and we never should have invaded, that's just fine with me. But don't EVER say, "nothing accomplished". That is like spitting in the face of those who died serving their country, serving YOU, whether you believe it or not!

Stupid Bumper Stickers part I

So Count Chocula is most likely to commit murder just because he's a vampire? I call that Cereal Mascot Profiling. I'm sure Jesse Jackson will find it very interesting that most of you voted for the chocolate lover in the latest poll!

Left Wing Bumper Stickers
Today I am finally going to put down into words some of the things I've been thinking for many years when I see left-wing bumper stickers. I am not a big fan of bumper stickers period which is why my vehicles don't have any. But I am especially opposed to having a few words on a rectangular sticker define who I am. Some people are very comfortable doing that and so I have no problem defining them in my own point of view. When I see a bumper sticker that reads, "God is my co-pilot" I think, "religious, not sure what the Bible actually says, and probably a recovering alcoholic". Maybe I'm wrong but if you don't want me making a snap judgement then nix the bumper proclamation. When I see a confederate flag, I automatically think "redneck" whether it assures me it reflects "heritage not hate" or not. Sorry, but you decided to put it out there.

But the bumper stickers that make me think the person driving the car is either dumber than grits or a hate-filled anti-American jerk are the ones I want to focus on. Some are so erroneous, so moronic, and so prevalent I feel I need to put them through the ridicule and dissection they deserve. I tried finding some pictures of these but my brain almost exploded sifting through all of the propaganda. If I can get through this post without a single four-letter word it will be a miracle!


The Dumbest Bumper Sticker of All-Time

"The Last Time We Mixed Politics and Religion People Got Burned at the Stake"

Wow, this display of complete ignorance leaves me nearly speechless. Where to start? Let's take it one piece at a time.

First, "The Last Time...."

The "last" time? Really? How about right now all across the Muslim world where politics is religon and vice versa. People in theocracies like Iran wish they could be burned at the stake! What a luxury. Instead women are raped and murdered, infidels (depending on who defines that term) are beheaded, shot, put in mass graves, have appendages chopped off, and are stoned to death (and not necessarily in that order). Burning at the stake is so far past the stone age, really. The laws of these countries portray women as inferior beings and slavery as moral. But protesting them isn't politically correct like attacking Jerry Falwell or John Ashcroft.

Second, "We Mixed Politics and Religion".

This is another example of agnostics and atheists upset at how "religious" our country is apparently. It isn't enough that prayer has been banned in school for 30+ years, any mention of God in school commencement ceremonies or any other public event invites the ACLU and other groups to sue, and our current President wouldn't attend any Christmas event or even call his tree a Christmas tree. We sure are in danger of losing our country to religious extremists, huh? I could fill up this blog with quotes from our Founding Fathers and their Christian faith, and how this republic was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. And yet, our country like very few is built upon religious freedom, the freedom to believe or not to. That isn't enough for some who want to eliminate anything that makes them uncomfortable, which ironically makes them no different from the tyrants our ancestors fled from in the first place to make this new world!

Last, "People Got Burned at the Stake".

This is the best you can do, hippie? I mean if we have to go back that far and that's the worst thing you can come up with I almost think you're not trying to put forth any kind of legitimate argument! The Inquisition in Europe from the years 1233 to 1808 (that's 575 years!) burned an estimated 31,912 heretics at the stake.(http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/History/Inquisition.html)

Yes, that's a bunch of people, probably innocent of any crime, unjustly killed. Many of those were Christians by the way, probably all of them were religious. It was wrong and it was horrible. But it amounts to about 55.5 people per year. Let's do some comparable analysis, shall we?

The Russian Gulag killed an estimated 40 MILLION people in the labor camps in the span of about 30 years! In all the Russians as a whole killed closer to 80 Million! Communist, atheist, intolerant murderers!

The Nazis (National Socialism) killed around 11 MILLION in 12 years!

The Millions killed under Mao and the other Chinese Communists may never be known but some estimates are as high as 45 Million under Mao alone.

Then there are the regimes of Pol Pot in Cambodia, Castro in Cuba, Idi Amin in Uganda, Ceucescu in Romania, and both Kims of North Korea. The comparison becomes laughable as you can see. More have died under godless, athiestic, political regimes than any other group. And all of these happened within the last century. So I guess if I wanted to compete with the retards out there I could make my own bumper sticker say something like "The last time politics abolished religion 100 million people were murdered"

On the other hand, thanks to Christianity slavery has been abolished, women have the right to vote and more give to the needy than in any other culture. The aid to Haiti is a testament to what a religious populace can do.

That is one STUPID bumper sticker!


This ran a bit long so I will tackle another stupid bumper sticker next time. Stay tuned...